Bless you. #InversneckyCafe #Aberdeen #AberdeenBeach #Inversnecky #coldseason #frridayfunny #lunchpun

Giving the local pub singer some
helpful feedback on his set.
'Your finale piece, "Throw those curtains wide"
give it the Elbow!'
#joke #funny #jokes #LunchPun

My girlfriend is going to be understudy for the main role in Calamity Jane.

She’s always wanted to try reserve cowgirl.

#LunchPun

No, I didn't say I was good at resistance training. I said I was good at resistance to training.

#LunchPun

What a rip off. Bayeux tapestry, they said. but you can't. It has to go back to France.

#LunchPun

My geography teacher turned his nose up when I couldn't tell him where Singapore was.

Sneer?

No, it's very far away.

#Lunchpun

#LunchPun #badjokethursday As a police officer I dealt with a case of two brothers arguing about the ownership of Ultravox records left in a will. There was a lot of shouting and screaming and I told them they both needed to be a lot more Midge Ure about the whole thing.

You could say my mate's marriage
is in difficulties!
'I haven't even touched the remote
for years!'
#joke #funny #jokes #LunchPun

Have to admire Miss Witherspoon doing her own stunts in The Birds remake.

Reese, pecked.

#LunchPun

If someone offers to let me trampoline in time to medieval singing, I will jump at the chants

#LunchPun

I saw an old episode of Mr Benn the other day, the one where he's a chef.

He did like to chop and change.

#LunchPun #Jokes

Mont-Saint-Michel is proof that Norman is an island.

#LunchPun

Whenever I'm delivering Nandos to submarines in Faslane, they have to say up peri-periscope to see who it is.

#Lunchpun

My Dyslexic mate texted to say he'd just done a graveyard shift

He doesn't work nights, he must've been caught short passing the churchyard.

#LunchPun #Humoursky

#LunchPun #wednesdaywit Just read a heartwarming book about a woman who was permanently constipated, so her doctor gave her a new type of laxative that worked wonders. It was moving stuff.

Ventriloquist's dummies suffer from
extreme paranoia.
They believe someone is always talking
behind their backs!
#joke #funny #jokes #LunchPun

#LunchPun #tuesdaytitters I missed a documentary last night about an explosion on a Navy warship. I’m told It got a lot of views as the ratings went through the roof.