It's Halloween soon, and the kids will be banging on my door asking for sweets

They're so demanding,next they'll want to be let out of the cellar.

#LunchPun #Humoursky

Follow me for more gastronomic advice. I know my plaice. #InversneckyCafe #Aberdeen #AberdeenBeach #Inversnecky #Crabs #SillySaturday #LunchPun

At the theme park I took a ride on the Ghost Train. I wanted to get off mid way but it would only stop at a manifestation. #LunchPun

I failed my church architecture exam. They told me I didn’t know my apse from my elbow. #LunchPun

Due to a typo in a training manual. I have been doing 100 Crunchies a day!

#LunchPun

I'm a loner. My kids are always borrowing money off me.

#LunchPun

People accuse me of using too many dated pop-culture references, but that's just hearsay, pure and simple.

#LunchPun #Jokes

When a member of the animal family Lutrinae is born, they should be called a "warmer" because they're just a little otter.

#LunchPun

When I was cooking sausages in our caravan, my wife decided to drive us into a crater.

Towed in the hole?

Bangers and mash actually.

#Lunchpun

#LunchPun #badjokefriday A really nice Royal Navy admiral effusively told an entire ship’s crew that they looked smart and lovely. It was a full complement.

Piers Morgan peering at you in a
peer review on Blackpool piers
is real peer pressure!
#joke #funny #jokes #LunchPun

My niece is always online at this time of the year posting her coughs, sneezes, and shivers

She is a social media influenza

#Lunchpun #HaveALaugh

My mate bought a large amount of sugar completely filling his trolley. He then dithered and couldn’t find his way out of the hypermarket. Proving the old adage.
“He who has a Tates is lost”. #LunchPun

I'm a versatile writer. I write poetry on the shower wall.

#lunchPun

For sale!

Instruments for public shaming and corporal punishment.

While stocks last.

#LunchPun

I phoned the coastguard yesterday.

I said, "I'm thinking!"

"So why are you calling us?!", They said.

I said, "Because my thailboat is letting in water and I need rethcuing!!"

#LunchPun

#LunchPun
Trying out some christian paint but it looks awful, I'll see what it looks like after a sin coat.

Look, bouncers on the doors in pubs should be called inn-security.

#LunchPun

My paleontologist aunt once shut down an expensive dig as she believed a bone she found contained a dinosaur jaw with a dangerous virus.

But it was just a fossil arm

#Lunchpun #HaveALaugh

#LunchPun #badjokethursday “Good sized suite but let down by the lack of adult TV channels and the cooked breakfast”.