#LunchPun
Tried to fill up the car and pay for it with an oyster card but you can't buy pearl with it.

I joined a pyramid selling scheme in the hope of getting Glastonbury tickets.

#LunchPun #Jokes

Who was the sultan who fought back against the Crusaders and afterwards promoted meals of fresh vegetables and fruits drizzled with a variety of delicious dressings?

Salad In

#Lunchpun #HaveALaugh

There's a certain irony in Trump calling for a united Ireland. Is that actually an orange order?

#LunchPun

"I find I usually agree with my fellow brain surgeons when we meet."
"Like minds?"
"That's why most of us do it".

#LunchPun

Got my taxidermy exam tomorrow.

Been cramming all weekend.

#LunchPun

My performance was so poor when I worked at Apple, they put me on a PIP. #Lunchpun

I'm constantly rolling snake eyes. I clearly need better jokes for my gigs at the reptile house.
#LunchPun

#LunchPun #mondaymirth Homer Simpson is so old that he’s now in his dohtage.

Hold a Shell petrol station charge card
to your ear, you can hear the Strait of Hormuz!
#joke #funny #jokes #LunchPun

#LunchPun #sidesplittingsunday Been trying to sell my ‘Hall of Mirrors’ funfair attraction. A buyer turned up for a tour with his young daughter who said “you’ve got a big nose, wide belly and a wobbly bum” and giggled. I wouldn’t mind, but this was while we were stood outside.

Being a model sports student is
all about kit bags!
#joke #funny #jokes #LunchPun

One of Queen’s biggest hits was dedicated to a pair of grasping and avaricious oligarchs.
Ivan Titall and Ivan Titnow. #LunchPun

[stumbling across a friend taking drugs]
- I thought you said you'd never taken drugs?
- I said, I've never taken drugs across a border

#LunchPun

Who remembers the episode where Knight Rider forgot his KITT and had to do it in his vest and pants?

#LunchPun #Jokes

Not saying my wife’s a bit posh, but she hates being stuck in a traffic conserve.

#LunchPun

I watched a film last night about Charles' glute-enhancing exercises:

The King's Peach.

#LunchPun

#LunchPun #badjokefriday It’s a little-known fact that moisturising cream was invented by Irish scientist Dermot O’Logical.