My mitten-making business was in decline, so we tried to enter new markets. We spent years trying to develop an effective treatment for erectile disfunction without success. Eventually I came to realisate that I'm a glover, not a Pfizer.

#LunchPun

My homemade invisibility device is not something to be made fun of.

I hope I've made myself perfectly clear.

#LunchPun #Jokes

If I tell my American girlfriend I want sex in her flat, she would say a condom, minimum

#LunchPun

Got in a fight at a UK Garage gig and the guy asked me if I wanted 2-step outside.

#LunchPun

I once had issues with Hypochondria and it caused the break up of my long term relationship with a wonderful radiology nurse due to a serious misunderstanding when, at a noisy nite club, I asked if she would MRI me!

#LunchPun #HaveALaugh

#LunchPun #wednesdaywit I one arrested two vehicle recovery van drivers racing each other back to base, getting angry, threatening violence and shouting abuse. They went tow-to-tow.

They've introduced the "one to many" queuing system at my local pub. #Lunchpun

The old universal password to
gain entry was 'Open Sesame'.
Now it's 'Welcome to Travelodge'!
#joke #funny #jokes #LunchPun

My Norwegian mate’s name was removed from the latest Electoral Roll. The Registration Officer apologised for the unfortunate lapse saying,
“I must have taken Leif off my census”. #LunchPun

- The apiarist is amazing. He can even tell when the insects have colds.
- Hears the bees sneeze?
- Yes, he's outstanding

#LunchPun

It's hard to believe that the story is told of a Frog Prince, when Croak Monsieur was right there.

#LunchPun

#LunchPun
Football fans in Rotterdam want more Dutch players in their team they say that there are too many Feyenoords.

My eccentric uncle once invented a device he claimed could calculate the chance of fun in any pub he entered

He called it a Barometer

#Lunchpun #HaveALaugh

Look at those chickens awkwardly strutting across the road.

Poultry in motion?

Absolutely not.

#Lunchpun

#LunchPun #tuesdaytitters I run a football team for people with speech impairments and our star striker had to come off with a leg injury.
Thigh?
I did more than that, I swore my head off.

My mate's cousin has been diagnosed
with electohypersensitivity.
'Can't say I'm a fan of synthesisers either!'
#joke #funny #jokes #LunchPun

What do you think of Social Media groups?
Me “I’m all forum”. #LunchPun

Anglo Irish politics.

It’s all fun and games until someone loses NI.

#LunchPun