I’ve just been prescribed Beta Blockers. My boastful mate goes one better, “I’ve been prescribed Alpha Blockers”. #LunchPun

I wish that Circle Cement were the sponsors of The Oval

#LunchPun

An invitation to be Jagger's personal tailor isn't just massive, it's size Mick.

#LunchPun

When Lewis Hamilton was young, everyone said he only won because of some secret, mysterious skills.

Dark arts?

No, he'd race in any colour.

#Lunchpun

Our local lap-dancing club is under threat of demolition despite being a Grade II lusted building.

#LunchPun #Jokes

There were just four of us in the bar. That made me feel really crotchety.

#LunchPun

#LunchPun
That Tom Brady is a tegestologist, that's why he has such an interest in Beermat City.

I dreamt that a member of the Mustelidae family of mammals entered the new series of Britain's Got Talent as a singer.

The stunned producer asked what genre they would choose to perform

"Pop" goes the weasel

#Lunchpun #HaveALaugh

#LunchPun #wednesdaywit Burglars stole several violins and other similar stringed instruments from a music store. I investigated and found the point of entry where a difficult lock had been picked. It all looked a bit fiddly.

This is a lie. I have no good jokes. #InversneckyCafe #Aberdeen #AberdeenBeach #Inversnecky #coldseason #LunchPun

Two AI avatars walk into a bar.
'We'll have two AI pints barman!'
'Hey aye... you'll be the death of me!'
#joke #funny #jokes #LunchPun

These Star Trek fans are talking to each other in Klingon. I just don't understand it, myself.

#LunchPun

One of the most significant developments in human history came during the Iron Age, when a division of labour evolved: some people focused on extracting iron, while others sold and traded it. Up to that point, if you smelt it, you dealt it.

#LunchPun

This guy down at Kwik Fit was having a right go at the fitter about the price of his Michelins.

Tyre rant?

Well, he was a bit of a dick.

#Lunchpun

Do muggers pay their ex-wives alley money?

#LunchPun

Scientists at world famous Magdalen, Merton, and Balliol colleges have developed a way of keeping patients asleep through surgeries without the need for anaesthetic

It's called the Oxford Coma

#Lunchpun #HaveALaugh

#LunchPun #tuesdaytitters My friend is an Obs and Gynae doctor at a local hospital and won ‘Dr of the month’. To celebrate they arranged for a slap-up meal with some patients and put on a lovely spread for her.

My mate's an amateur boxing trainer.
His latest contender works down the
recycling centre.
'At least he'll be great at the trash talk!'
#joke #funny #jokes #lunchPun