I deserve this

Hemswearhouse. You’re gonna like the way you look, I guarantee it.

Whenever we passed through Texas on a road trip my dad would stop at the rest area right before the border. He ushered me and my brother beyond the picnic tables so we could piss on Texas before entering New Mexico. I'm starting to get it

Never been interested in men who look like they’ll make me exercise

Eight million movies flooded my brain at once, but in the interest of recency bias I know for the rest of my life I’ll say “In Resident Evil they achieved the bodies falling from the buildings PRACTICALLY.”

If you don't want me stripping naked in the cereal aisle then maybe you shouldn't be playing Barry White so loud.

if i haven’t seen godzilla minus one, will godzilla minus zero make sense… wait

What idiot called it The Exorcist and not Do the Rite Thing

With naming characters there's a spectrum from JK Rowling (bad) to Hideo Kojima(bad, but it's good)

Yall ever wonder how full your health bar is?

in a quest to get healthier i’ve taken up shadow boxing and i’m getting much better at it but……so is he

The data center push proves America can still do massive infrastructure projects, but only if it's to run a long con.

not yet, funk soul brother

if dems take the house and senate we are going to see the strongest worded letters in the history of letters. just absolutely juiced words on paper

I was insane to give my child a haunted doll, 15% off or no 15% off.

FDR: healed the great depression JFK: dared to touch the moon LBJ: spanish for blowjob