🫶 right back at'cha

Hot singles in your area are looking for a host organism

eyyyy! happy bday, friendo!

cutting carbs by eating only one spaghettum

whispering YOU CAN SEE ME??? and running away any time a stranger tries to talk to me in public

can we make “idkwtfigo” a popular acronym for “i don’t know what the fuck is going on”

jumbo shrimp was originally classified as a cryptid

whenever i see a pastry in a showcase, my first instinct is to set it free

designer of ikea: what if a death maze also sold furniture and meatballs

Just grate the Parmesan directly into my mouth hole

bad news: turns out bluesky was connected to the internet this whole time

I can tell if someone is judgemental just by looking at them

setting up notifications for whenever any of you post anything containing the names of your pets

printing out a hard copy of every moment in my life that i want a refund for and stapling them to this complaints form

i’m not like other girls, i’m 11 feet tall and covered in primordial ooze

I didn't wanna throw away both socks when only one had a hole, but it's what they would've wanted cos those guys mate for life

Vote for the soft green moss that is not sentient but that suffocates everything it encroaches upon in your next municipal election.

It’s a nursery rhyme mashup, The New Yorker.