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@robertcfried.bsky.social Oct 8, 2026, 4:56 AM

#Satire #PoliticalSatire #DictatorSpeech #AuthoritarianAbsurdity #CultOfPersonality #StrongmanPolitics #PropagandaParody #FascismExposed #DemocracyUnderThreat #SpontaneousApplause

Here’s a **satirical** dictator’s speech: grandiose, self-congratulating, and increasingly absurd—aimed at exposing authoritarian vanity rather than celebrating it.

## “The Nation Has Never Been Freer to Agree With Me”

My fellow citizens—and those whose citizenship remains under review:

Tonight, I stand before you as a humble servant of the people. So humble that I have ordered my portrait reduced to the height of a modest four-story building.

Our nation faces terrible dangers. Foreign interference. Domestic interference. Questions. Follow-up questions. And that most sinister threat of all: people remembering what I said last week.

But do not be afraid. Fear is the government’s responsibility. We will provide it.

When I took office, this country was divided. Some people supported me; others did not. An intolerable situation. Today, thanks to our National Unity Program, everyone supports me—or has learned the importance of keeping a private diary very, very private.

My opponents accuse me of silencing criticism. This is a vicious lie, and the people responsible will no longer be making it.

They say I have undermined the free press. Nonsense! The press remains entirely free to publish any of the seventeen approved descriptions of my leadership. “Visionary” is particularly popular. “Unexpectedly youthful” is mandatory.

And what of the economy?

Under my leadership, the price of bread has risen to unprecedented heights. Never before has an ordinary loaf commanded such respect! Our currency is now so abundant that citizens carry it in wheelbarrows. Before me, only the wealthy could afford that much money.

The experts call this a crisis. But who are these experts? People who have spent their entire lives studying one subject, instead of appearing on television to explain all of them?

I trust the common sense of ordinary people—especially when it agrees exactly with mine.

There are those who complain that our infrastructure is crumbling. They point to potholes.…

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