...Why is it no one ever sent me yet
One perfect limousine, do you suppose?
Ah no, it's just my luck to get
One perfect rose.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Talking to a friend about a garrulous bore:
Friend: "She's so outspoken."
DP: "By whom?"

#DorothyParker #Parker

After spending some time in the company of a handsome sun-burnt young film star in Hollywood:
"Ah yes. His is the hue of availability."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Godspeed

Oh, seek, my love, your newer way;
I'll not be left in sorrow.
So long as I have yesterday,
Go rake your damned tomorrow!

#DorothyParker #Parker

Why would anybody choose a career?

#DorothyParker #Parker

To the suggestion that she might start on her autobiography:
I'd never be able to do it, but I wish to God I could! I'd like to write the damned thing, just so I could call it Mongrel!"

#DorothyParker #Parker

To the suggestion that she might start on her autobiography:
I'd never be able to do it, but I wish to God I could! I'd like to write the damned thing, just so I could call it Mongrel!"

#DorothyParker #Parker

Of her supersophisticated New York days:
We were gallant, hardriding and careless of life. We were little black eyes that had gone astray... A sort of Ladies' Auxiliary of the Legion of the Damned.

#DorothyParker #Parker

When a woman asked her, as they often did, "How did you do it?" :
"See your analyst. He might have a word with your ovaries."

#DorothyParker #Parker

...Why is it no one ever sent me yet
One perfect limousine, do you suppose?
Ah no, it's just my luck to get
One perfect rose.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Oscar Wilde

If, with the literate, I am
Impelled to try an epigram,
I never seek to take the credit;
We all assume that Oscar said it.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Thought For a Sunshiny Morning

It costs me never a stab or squirm
To tread by chance upon a worm.
"Aha, my little dear," I say,
"Your clan will pay me back one day."

#DorothyParker #Parker

There were two things that would always bewilder her, she said: how a zipper worked and the exact function of Bernard Baruch.

#DorothyParker #Parker

On being told that someone wouldn't hurt a fly:
"Not if it was buttoned up."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Calgary 911 Failed to Treat Missing Parker Wells as Priority 1 Until 48 Minutes After First Call, Review Finds

#Calgary #Alberta #Parker

On being told that Harold Ross had called her on her honeymoon demanding belated copy:
"tell him I've been too fucking busy - or vice versa."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Oh, I said it all right. You know how it is. A joke. When people expect you to say things, you say things. Isn't that the way it is?

#DorothyParker #Parker

You know, that woman speaks eighteen languages. And she can't say "No" in any of them.

#DorothyParker #Parker

To a supercilious youth who said he "simply couldn't bear fools":
"How odd. Your mother could apparently."

#DorothyParker #Parker

To a neighbour who tolder her her dog was a female:
"I always call dogs 'he'. It don't do to notice everything."

#DorothyParker #Parker