When me & my pal Mike were probably 13 they were 3 for a dime, and lunch was $1 so Mike would stop at the A&P on the walk to school every morning and walk out with 30 bouncy balls a day. I don’t know how many he had in his locker on the 3rd floor by the last day of school but oh when he let them go

Remember, if any trick’r’treaters show up on your steps dressed as ICE agents, not only is coal not just for Christmas anymore, but also they’re armored you can huck it right at them. Happy Halloween.

Ruin a book by adding a word THE LONG SILLY WALK

I always figured there’s be some kind of digital solution to the bot farms, like somebody would hack them and infect them with viruses or somesuch, but it never occurred to me that they could simply be located and destroyed with, like actual explosives. Anyway, turns out practical FX FTW

Can you feel the Kenergy?

Ditto

Funny how cancer is both the most expensive thing I’ve ever bought in my life and also the thing that will incapacitate my ability to make money

I bet when it's Hegseth turn to be put in front of a firing squad he will beg for it to be televised

I’m going to miss yawning

more big government as in give people healthcare and childcare less big government as in have the right to murder and cage them

Drop some PUMPKINS 🎃🖤

Do I *look* radioactive ☢️?

Q: Does this throat cancer make my breath smell bad? A: Some things are not the cancer’s fault, bro.

They might not understand how big you are at home.