Oglaf (@oglaf.bsky.social)

@oglaf.bsky.social Dec 10, 2024, 10:15 AM Pinned

www.patreon.com/posts/greg-1...

@oglaf.bsky.social Oct 11, 2026, 6:08 PM

www.oglaf.com/lavender/

Comic strip!
Panel 1
A woman in a furry coat, let's call her Woman 1, is speaking.
Woman 1 - we can try again at sex but you have to be cool

Panel 2
We see Woman 1 is talking to Woman 2. That's not Woman 2's real name, but 'Woman 1' is the first woman's name.
Woman 2- Definitely, definitely- I just panicked last time.
Woman 1- I know

Panel 3
Woman 2- I mean, I did go fetch all the furniture I threw out into the street
Woman 1- Thanks for that. Won't happen this time though, right?

Panel 4
Close-up on Woman 2
Woman 2- Nono- I just couldn't cope with how hot you were in those little pants. Had to channel the confusion.

Panel 5
Woman 1- So I'll be wearing REALLY UNSEXY UNDERWEAR this time

Panel 6
Woman 1 parts the robe to reveal a flower-covered top and bloomers.

Panel 7
Close-up on Woman 2. She blushes and shouts
Woman 2- Oh my goddddd. That's ecxactly what I'm intoooo

Panel 8
Furniture piles up in the street.
Inside the house, Woman 2 runs about, arms raised.
Woman 1 looks out, still.
Woman 10 I really should have checked first.

@oglaf.bsky.social Oct 4, 2026, 3:09 PM

www.oglaf.com/damselfly/

Comic strip!

panel 1
a prince climbs through a window. A princess watches him enter.
Prince- Sure I could rescue you

Panel 2
Prince- but withing three months, ninety percent of rescued princesses are back inside a tower

Panel 3
Prince is really narrating this one now
Prince- at 'staircase down' we believe real change comes from accepting you're part of the problem

panel 4
Prince- and that's the most difficult part of the journey

panel 5
Princess- apart from the fire breath
Prince- The what?

Panel 6
Princess breathes fire, incinerating prince

Panel 7
Princess stands over smouldering prince skeleton

Panel 8
ghost of prince hovers over the smoking bones
Prince- I have to accept, on some level, that I needed that to happen

@oglaf.bsky.social Sep 27, 2026, 11:49 PM

it's true

@oglaf.bsky.social Sep 27, 2026, 8:16 PM

Sorry folks, we've had a big computer crash and are having to recolour today's strip. Gonna be a late update.

@oglaf.bsky.social Sep 24, 2026, 2:34 PM

ah thanks!

@oglaf.bsky.social Sep 24, 2026, 2:32 PM

Yesterday we launched a kickstarter to print Oglaf Book 5.
It's going pretty good!
www.kickstarter.com/projects/top...

a devil gives thumbs up and says 'hell yes'
larger text below says 'hell maybe'
the devil is in front of a kickstarter campaign page but you can't see the amount, which is annoying.

@oglaf.bsky.social Sep 20, 2026, 8:10 PM

www.oglaf.com/goodideas/

Comic strip!
panel 1
a king with a long face speaks
king- okay, this might be really dumb but has anyone asked the crimson overlord to stop?

panel 2
we see that we're in some kind of war planning situation.
Well, there's a table with little figurines on it and a map.
so it's ether that or games night.
king- He's conquering and slaying but maybe he thinks we want that.

panel 3
general- Why would he think we want that?
king- probably he doesn't

panel 4
king- but a small group of heroes might make it up the dark tower and tell him we don't like it.

panel 5
general- You woud send those heroes to their deaths
king- aw come ooooon- send the worst four people in your army

panel 6
a shot of four adventurers.
one of them, who I'm going to call 'Rigby'speaks
Rugby- Cool. Secret mission.

panel 7
Rigby and friends battle monsters that are sort of like huge naked moke rats but with way more eyes.

panel 8
Rigby and friend battle their way into a doorway.

panel 9
close-up on Rigby
Rigby- Crimson Overlord! People don't like getting slain!

panel 10
green tyrant- you might have the wrong dark tower
Rigby- Shit
king-

@oglaf.bsky.social Sep 6, 2026, 6:27 PM

oglaf.com/pinchybouquets/

Comic strip!
Panel 1
A pale yellow landscape hosts a face-off between a woman and a giant scorpion. You mean giant as in big for a scorpion? No. This is the size of a car.
anyhow, sorry-
Panel 1-
Scorpion- Sorry! Sorry! I didn't choose this!
woman- what?

Panel 2
Scorpion- I didn't ask to be a huge scorpion but I am. Claws and stinger are what I have to work with.

Panel 3
woman- So you're going to sting me to death for lack of options?

Panel 4
Scorpion- I don't like it any better than you do.
Woman- Well don't do it then. Open a florist or something.

Panel 5
Scorpion- Wait you can just do that?

Panel 6
Market tent. It's a florist's and the scorpion stands behind the counter. A man browses the flowers.

panel 7
The man holds up flowers
Man- These jonquils are pathetic

Panel 8
The scorpion leaps at the man, stinger to his face
Scorpion- Shut the fuck up don't ever disrespect the flowers

Panel 9
the man lies on the ground foaming at the mouth
man- You're... a terrible florist...
Scorpion- Not from the flowers' viewpoint.
Flower- Damn straight

@oglaf.bsky.social Aug 30, 2026, 4:28 PM

www.oglaf.com/surpriseparty/

comic strip!
panel 1
A woman speaks to a man
woman- Can I grab your dick when you're least expecting it? That's what I'm into

panel 2
man- Sure. But I'm kind of expecting it now

panel 3
woman- Oh, it isn't going to happen now.
It isn't going to happen soon

panel 4
woman- It will happen WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT

panel 5
the man fights spiky green enemies of some sort.
he stands on a big chunk of cracked masonry.
It's what, underground? It all seems very green for some reason.

panel 6
the man looks down

panel 7
man- Still sort of expecting it

panel 8
we see that the woman has slithered up through the crack in the masonry and holds up a hand between the man's legs.

woman- Fuck's sake

@oglaf.bsky.social Aug 2, 2026, 3:58 PM

www.oglaf.com/settle/

Comic strip!

panel 1-
some kind of motley troubadour strums a lute
troubadour- At last, the hero we've waited for

panel 2-
man in armour strikes a heroic pose
there's text over the top in a little square box, rather than a speech bubble. This is supposed to indicate that the troubadour's song continues over the top but I'm honestly not sure if that's clear
troubadour(offscreen) - A hero who dared and strove

panel 3
hero slumps.
Troubadour pops his head in, just to make thngs clear
troubadour- Initially

panel 4-
hero sits at home drinking
troubadour(offscreen) - A hero who couldn't sustain it

panel 5-
hero slouches next to a huge dragon
troubadour(offscreen) -who puts in a distracted bare minimum

panel 6-
hero listlessly stabs dragon.

panel 7-
Dragon unexpectedly drops dead
troubadour(offscreen) -but triumphs anyway.

panel 8-
Hero strikes a heroic pose over dead dragon
troubadour(offscreen) -For no clear reason

panel 9-
a bunch of people we've never seen before hoist the hero onto their shoulders. All seem happy.
troubadour(offscreen) -a hero who is all of us

panel 10-
troubadour stands in front of the hero who's now a king.
troubadour- when all of us are shitty

panel 11-
king- your music sucks
troubadour - that's 'cause I never practice

@oglaf.bsky.social Jul 12, 2026, 2:52 PM

www.oglaf.com/christmasspe...

Comic strip!
Panel 1
Mary is Pregnant. Joseph gestures toward her.
Joseph- You said you didn't have any rooms, but what if my wife was very very pregnant?

Panel 2
innkeeper- She wasn't ten minutes ago.

Panel 3
Mary- That's the weird thin, see, I'm pregnant to God.

Panel 4
the innkeeper just stares at Mary and Joseph

Panel 5
Innkeeper- That really doesn't seem likely.

Panel 6
Joseph seems agitated. Mary, not so much.
Joseph- I'm telling you I got cucked by the divine!
Would I admit that if it wasn't true?

Panel 7
the innkeeper glowers at the couple

Panel 8
Mary and Joseph leave in a huff.

Panel 9
three wise men arrive.
wise man- We're after some rooms.

Panel 10
Innkeeper- We're full.

Panel 11
Pull out to reveal the wise men are pregnant.

Panel 12
wise man- Did I mention we're all pregnant?

@oglaf.bsky.social Jun 28, 2026, 3:51 PM

I'm going to say at will. Also she's antagonised a bunch more magical animals since then and is now pretty much a Baskin Robbins

@oglaf.bsky.social Jun 28, 2026, 3:35 PM

two pages!
www.oglaf.com/toxicity/

comic strip.

panel 1- a yellow cobra says "you have discovered the wish-snake. What do you wish?"

panel 2 we see we're in a sort of pink forest and the snake is talking to a woman.
Woman- Oo! True love!
Snake- Nope

panel 3 is a close-up on the woman
Woman- What? You get a veto?

Panel 4
Snake- I'm the wish-snake, baby
Woman- Of course you are

panel 5
Woman- A golden palace?
the snake puffs out a little cloud.
Not enough that you suspect it's vaping though.
Snake- Ugh.Tacky. No.

Panel 6
Woman- In the stories, wish-granters aren't usually so judgemental.

Panel 7
Snake- Aren't usually the wish-snake.

Panel 8
Woman- True. Ummm...
Snake- Venom

Panel 9
Woman- What?
Snake- You should wish you can spit venom.

Panel 10
Woman- I don't want to spit venom
Snake- Well that's the only wish I'm offering

page two of the same comic

Panel 1
Woman- Well no wish then

Panel 2
Snake- No wish is not a wish I'm offering.

Panel 3 is just a pause

Panel 4
Woman- Can the venom be tequila or something?
Snake- Let me just check

Panel 5
The woman and snake just stand there, silent.
If this were a movie it would hold on them for like a minute in total silence.

Panel 6
Tavern. Woman sits at a counter next to a man.

Panel 7
Woman squirts yellow liquid from her mouth.
The liquid lands in some glasses.

Panel 8
Man- That's disgusting

Panel 9
Woman- I also shit chocolate mousse 'cause of a magic frog
Man- You need to stay out of the enchanted forest.

Panel 10
Woman- I know but I keep getting drunk and waking up there.

@oglaf.bsky.social Jun 21, 2026, 5:06 PM

www.oglaf.com/slutfarm/

Comic strip, titled 'slutfarm'
A man stands somewhere rural and speaks to camera.
He's a sexy farmer. We contemplated putting him in a bib and brace but decided against it.
sexy farmer- We get the hottest farm hads to ream the earth with a plow shaped like a penis
panel 2- a sexy farmhand pushes a dick-shaped plow.
sexy farmhand- It takes way longer than it needs to.
panel 3- sexy farm-hand pours liquid onto stalks of wheat in a field.
caption- the wheat gets plenty of lube
panel 4.
sexy farmer and sexy farmhand wear lingerie and wield scythes.
sexy farmer- then we reap the fuck out of it
sexy farmhand- In deeply impractical clothes
panel 5
sexy farmer holds up a loaf of bread. Sexy farmhand eats a slice.
Sexy farmer- All to make a loaf of bread that...
Sexy farmhand- ...tastes no different to regular bread
panel 6
farmer eats bread. He looks distressed.
farmhand- We were sure it was going to be erotic somehow.
panel 7
Farmer has his face in his hands. Farmhand seems contemplative.
Sexy Farmer- We're fucked. We're the non-sexy kind of fucked.
sexy farmhand- Unless we can sell pity bread.
panel 8
sexy farmer- what?
sexy farmhand- I fuck lots of people I'm not attracted to out of pity.
panel 9
Farmer holds loaf of bread up. He seems desperate. In a sexy way.
Sexy farmer- Slutfarm Bakery. Please. Do a sexy farm a favour.
sexy farmhand- Buy ten loaves and I'll fuck you.
panel 10
Farmer hugs farmhand.
sexy farmer- Thanks man. That means a lot.

@topa.to Jun 15, 2026, 5:20 PMReposted by @oglaf.bsky.social

Are you familiar with the judgemental stare of a cat? Nothing quite like it, a dog would not judge me the same way a cat would. Certainly not like this particular cat, that's for sure. 🙄

🐾 Topa.to/oglaf | @oglaf.bsky.social 🐾

A graphic of an enamel pin; it is a blue cat with it's arms crossed and a very judgemental look on its face. Above it reads "JUDGEMENT". It is against an orange background with drawn images of the cat's face zoomed in.

@oglaf.bsky.social Jun 14, 2026, 7:27 AM

New Oglaf: www.oglaf.com/ruin/

@oglaf.bsky.social May 30, 2026, 12:38 AM

A selection of classic comic prints are finally available in our @topa.to store! topa.to/oglaf

Text reads classic comic prints now available over a montage of Oglaf comic pages.

@oglaf.bsky.social May 24, 2026, 3:55 PM

www.oglaf.com/proverbs7/

comic strip.
first panel is all text. it says "and behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot. and subtil of heart... she caught him and kissed him and with an impudent face said unto him...I have decked my bed with coverings of tapestry, with carved works, with fine linens of Egypt. I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon. Come let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves.
second panel a man talks to a woman. he wears a jacket and a cylindrical hat and has a beard. She's well, dressed like a harlot. No judgement, she's rocking the harlot chic.
man- Sorry, you've put cinnamon on your bed?
woman- and aloes and myrrh
3rd panel- man- So you're asking if I want to have sex in cinnamon?
woman- it's really not that much cinnamon.
4th panel- man- Just roll around like a pair of sex donuts
woman-(exasperated) I'll sweep up the fucking cinnamon.
5th panel- Close-up of the man
man- I mean I've always wanted to fuck a gingerbread man but this feels dumb
panel 6
the woman is leaving. she raises two middle fingers to the man.
woman- Fuck you, I'm going home.
panel 7
close-up of the man
man- Leave your spices in the kitchen. That's the lesson from this proverb.
panel 8
close-up of the woman
woman- don't waste your harlot attire on idiots. That's my take-away.
panel 9 is in heaven. Close-up of God.
God- There's no real moral to this proverb.
It should be in the book of recipes but the bible doesn't have one.

@oglaf.bsky.social May 18, 2026, 10:02 PM

Thanks to a Patron's suggestion, you can now grab a Bone Both apron from our store! tinyurl.com/yttzypr2 If you already pre-ordered any of the shirts, just email @topa.to ([email protected]) with your shirt order number and they'll refund the shipping for the apron.

Text reads Bone Broth Apron! By Demand! Image of two grey aprons with graphic of skeleton in a spa asking "who wants bone broth?"

@oglaf.bsky.social May 7, 2026, 10:11 PM

New Bone Broth and Judgement Cat t-shirts up for pre-order at our @topa.to store now! topa.to/oglaf