K. Cook & Cats, Co.

@iamkaymichelle.bsky.social

Sigh. Back here on the alt for now...

#Seattle #FilmCritic + 4 #cats
🤓🐈‍⬛🐈🐈‍⬛🐈
#FilmSky #CatSky

We watch a lot of movies & we’ve got a lot to say.
Former #Chron reporter/editor 📰

Also follow⬇️⬇️⬇️

#ReelRank: bit.ly/MyReelRank
#Medium: bit.ly/KCookMedium

@iamkaymichelle.bsky.social

Indescribably dumb and funny chase scene with a big derpy puppet; doesn't work at all

into

A pretty cool image, I cannot deny. This sort of moment is why #Backrooms got greenlit, I'm sure, but this is not a cool screensaver, it's a major (ish) motion picture. It ought to have a story 🤦‍♀️

#FilmSky 🎥

This is so ludicrous and silly. It's like Five Nights at Freddy's (I presume; I've never seen it)Lol. Big, derpy puppet on the way. Look out! What a scaaaaary image! That's his hand reaching through the dog door. It's just a chase sequence, and I've seen a billion of 'em. This might be the dumbest and worst, though.Heyyyy that's interesting! Do more of this, maybe. And also, hey, tell a compelling story populated by characters who want things. Just an idea!
@iamkaymichelle.bsky.social

I am dying laughing at this nonsense, omggg 🤣

The way that big Capn Clark puppet moves through the space reminds me of that Bell Brothers video, where they inserted Big Bird into Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds.

It's just wildly out of sync and looks absurd. Hard NOT to laugh.

#FilmSky 🎥 #Backrooms

CHOMP. It's actually pretty well-lit, for being an otherwise quite-dark film, on the back of that big puppet. Oh, man. It's... weird, for sure. I don't think it's good, nor do I think it works. Is it supposed to be funny, though? I'm choosing to believe: yes, Kane Parsons was going for laughs here. This is even dumber looking than I'm able to capture in still images for you, I promise.Yeah, it's kinda like this lol"HOT!" 😂
@iamkaymichelle.bsky.social

"You attack me, tie me up? You blame your brain. YOU ARE YOUR FUCKING BRAIN, YOU DIPSHIT!"

👏👏👏

It's in service of basically nothing, sadly, but Renate Reinsve (as Dr. Mary Kline) is doing the lord's work here, and I almost applauded in real life.

What a superstar 🤩

#FilmSky 🎥 #Backrooms 🧵

I promise you, the fact that I have a mild crush on the actor has little to no bearing on my assessment of her performance here, which is riveting. Someone did absolutely need to say this to this guy; she was arguably not a great therapist before, implicitly never saying this, but also, she didn't write it, so it's not Reinsve's fault her character was a shitty, distant therapist. Reinsve is giving 110% and killing it; the movie is a boring, useless slog, except for brief moments of conflict and interest like this (this actually might be the first real moment of conflict/interest, tbh; this is like 8 minutes' worth of story stretched out over however long this has been, hours it feels like)I don't fault Ejiofor's performance, either, really. I don't think what he's doing is as interesting, but if anything, he's even worse served by this 'movie's' 'script.' If you want to call any of those things those things.Kind of a creepy, uncomfortable still image. Bless her heart. I hope Reinsve had points on the back end, because this horrible movie somehow did quite well at the box-office. I'd like to think she's being well compensated for all this, and her herculean (if sisyphean) efforts here."You ARE your fucking brain, you dipshit!"
@iamkaymichelle.bsky.social

Where were we... oh, yeah!

You know what #Backrooms reminds me of? When I was in rehab, they'd sometimes make us do Psychodrama, a modality referenced aloud earlier in the film. Backrooms reminds me of someone doing a psychodrama, and thinking, 'Ooh, this would make for a good movie.'

It won't 🙂‍↔️

This is nothing. This is a poorly-attempted first draft of a writing exercise that someone mistakenly thought would be a good film. Goddamn, there are so many more steps for this script to go through before it's ready to be a film. But they just made it one anyway! And it made a shit ton of money (while also being very cheap), so wtf do I know? I just know whether it's art or not, and this is dogshit, viewed through that lens. Try harder. Do better. F- see me after class, Kane. To compensate for what a not-film this is, and what a not-script he's working off of, Chiwetel Ejiofor is trying SO hard, giving SO much to it that isn't there, and it's distracting and bad. If the script were any good, and he had interesting things to do, he's a real actor, he'd make interesting choices (probably), but this has put him in a horrible position. As a result, the performance is laughable, but I'd argue it's not really his fault. What *could* you do with this? ... I don't find Renate Reinsve's performance laughable, though. Whatever you make of that. This movie doesn't work any more when she's onscreen than off, but my experience of it is much more palatable, I'll put it that way. I don't like seeing her in a creepy red wig, though. But it's meant to be upsetting, I suppose.
@curtis-lemayfield.bsky.socialReposted by @iamkaymichelle.bsky.social

Sometimes I practice spiteful altruism, ex. I'll overtip because a dinner companion is a piece of shit I want to shame. A good deed done for bad reasons is still a good deed. Actions are in the real world, Reasons are just in your head. You can use your asshole tendencies to do good as well. Try it.

@iamkaymichelle.bsky.social

Again, we have a metaphor for Kane Parsons presenting his film to me.

Clark brags about how the drones have no feelings or humanity, and "you can eat them!" putting a big chunk on Mary's plate.

That's #Backrooms. An unappealing, tasteless, steaming lump of film dumped onto your plate.

#FilmSky 🎥

Also, that guy's head triggered my trypophobia. Great work, Parsons, you dickhead.I wish Brian De Palma had directed this, but also, he never would. He'd take one look at the script and go, "Where's the story?"Sure, that might as well happenYeah, that's the right reaction to this film. What is this nonsense you're trying to scam me into thinking is a movie?
@iamkaymichelle.bsky.social

This is so stupid & contrived. Every time it happens (& it happens a lot), I 🙄 so hard I nearly give myself a goddamned aneurysm.

Clark is still filming from his shoulder, except when a scene needs to happen. Then, he sets 🎥 down, pointed at where it's going to happen.

Oh, BROTHER 🤦‍♀️

#Backrooms 🧵

This is so tiresome and nothing. I would say it's getting in the way of the story this movie is trying to tell, but it ISN'T trying to tell a story, and this nonsense isn't really getting in the way of anything. It is this movie's way, so to speak.BOOOOO more amateurish, lame, weird, contrived horseshit to try to make this into something. It's nothing, though.Oh, BROTHER! This film STINKS!
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