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@iamkaymichelle.bsky.social Sep 9, 2026, 5:57 PM

#Riddick2013 DNF, and I gave it a 1.0 on #ReelRank, so you know what that means...

reelrank.net/r/00029y

#FilmSky 📽️

@kcookandcatsco.bsky.social Sep 9, 2026, 2:39 AM

This is now a whole lengthy thread 🧵 which is how this #LiveSky review thing works.

I start watching a movie and then sometimes I can’t believe wtf I’m seeing, and to that point, I have tweeted more times than there are minutes of runtime I’ve yet seen 😆

#FilmSky 🎥 #Riddick2013 🧵

@kcookandcatsco.bsky.social Sep 9, 2026, 1:38 AM

This looks impossibly shitty. This is Sky Captain levels of nonsense CGI awfulness 😆

#Riddick2013 🧵

This movie looks horrible. Good grief. Filmed in a cupboard.

The lighting is all fucked up and weird, and this is lame. I feel compelled to watch it all if I'm going to review it, though.

@kcookandcatsco.bsky.social Sep 9, 2026, 1:33 AM

Jeeeeeeesus, this is some of the worst #writing I've ever seen millions of dollars put behind. Neil Breen crafts his scripts with more love and care than Twohy has exhibited here.

"But instead of Furya, we wind up someplace called... Not Furya."

Woof!

#FilmSky 📽️ #Riddick2013 🧵

I wish I were making this up. "But instead of Furya, we wind up someplace called..."

"Not Furya." TERRIBLE

@kcookandcatsco.bsky.social Sep 9, 2026, 1:17 AM

I don't want to misquote the #screenplay here:

[VO] "There are bad days, and then there are legendary bad days. This was shaping up to be one of the latter."

OH, BROTHER, THIS SCRIPT STINKS 🗣️

#FilmSky 📽️ #Riddick2013 🧵

Vin doesn't look into it, either. Ironically, very little vim. Lot of Vin; no vim.

Woof, that's fucking horrible lol. I could have banged that up in Adobe Suite

Yeah, it deserves this [SpongeBob meme; Oh Brother, This Guy Stinks]

@kcookandcatsco.bsky.social Sep 9, 2026, 1:12 AM

Whole goddamned movie looks like it was filmed in a cupboard 🤦‍♀️

Riddick stumbles forward, out of the cave, but it isn't far enough away for it to make sense for the monster to stop chasing him. It's like, two feet forward, bc otherwise, he'd bump into the big blue wall.

#FilmSky 📽️ #Riddick2013 🧵

Looks DREADFUL

@kcookandcatsco.bsky.social Sep 9, 2026, 1:08 AM

'Can we fly someone in and get Vin sweatier? I SAID GET HIM SWEATIER, GODDAMN YOU!'

That's what I imagine David Twohy was saying on the day. He's glistening so much 😆

#Riddick2013 🧵

Pretty sweaty...

Even sweatier!!

@kcookandcatsco.bsky.social Sep 9, 2026, 1:05 AM

Wtf is this idiot space-dog doing? He lives on this planet. He would certainly know better than to just eye-fuck this obvious huge space-water-monster 😆

This is an exceptionally dumb movie. Also, NOTHING has fucking happened in 10 minutes. NOOOOTHING 😑

#FilmSky 📽️ #Riddick2013 🧵

Horrible movie

Lol, why would he not know what this is, he lives here. DickRider is the one who's not from around here. This dog would surely know better than to...

It looks dreadful. That wouldn't have been a viable pet for Kratos in God of War 2 on PS2.

Look at its head cocked to the side. They're trying to give 'dog,' but would a dog do this? Like, that's cray. This thing is so obviously trouble and wouldn't be foreign to the space-dog. They're both from this neighborhood.

@kcookandcatsco.bsky.social Sep 9, 2026, 12:51 AM

Ah, that sucks. I had dinner and got super blazed with a buddy, and returned to my desk just generally fired up about getting back into a movie, but then I got back to my screen, & I was, like, "Wait, what am I watching again?"

Oh, no... 😨

But it's almost over, right??

8m26s in 😱

#Riddick2013 🧵

Barely started. We're still in the intro, lol.

@kcookandcatsco.bsky.social Sep 8, 2026, 10:48 PM

THIS LOOKS TERRIBLE 🤣

It's like What Dreams May Come if you made it in PowerPoint. Holy shit, this is so fucking awful it's making me laugh really hard. Just picturing Vindor Diesel seated like a goof in front of a big blue screen, acting hurt

BOO WHAT A DREADFUL #FILM 🗣️

#FilmSky 📽️ #Riddick2013 🧵

Oh, BROTHER. This film STINKS!

@kcookandcatsco.bsky.social Sep 8, 2026, 10:42 PM

They were trying to do, like, a motif, or something thematic, but I don't reckon they know how that works, haha

David Twohy is (speaking of twofers) both writer & director, and I can just hear him explaining to DP David Eggby, 'Eye. Eyes. That's a theme, right? Eyes?'

🤣

#FilmSky 📽️ #Riddick2013 🧵

Also, this is all CGI bullshit nonsense, from 2013 and it was cheap CGI nonsense even in the era. This will be mostly unwatchable and bad, I bet. Which is fine, bc I need to add more movies I disdain to ReelRank. I'm skewed heavily towards films I think are good at the moment.

Lol. It's so dumb. It's, like, pantomiming at meaning. Making the motions of what a real film would do.

@kcookandcatsco.bsky.social Sep 8, 2026, 10:38 PM

This all looks like shit, which made me curious.

The budget (in 2012) was $38M.

The budget for Chronicles of Riddick (2004)?

Reportedly like $120M, but probably more, and it recouped just $115.8M at the box-office, so that's why this one looks cheap.

It is, lol.

#FilmSky 📽️ #Riddick2013 🧵

It kind of reminds me of Sunshine, when they're depicting the sun, but like, infinitely, way worse.

@kcookandcatsco.bsky.social Sep 8, 2026, 10:34 PM

It's never occurred to me before that 'Riddick' could be a contraction of 'Riding Dick,' but now that I've thought of it, I'll never think anything else about that name 😆

Vin Diesel is Riding Dick, only in theaters, etc.

#FilmSky 📽️ #Riddick2013 🧵

I love title cards. This is the title card for Riddick.

It kind of evolves! I had to take two screenshots to try and capture some of it. I like it, very cool. The font sucks, but what can you do, it's 2013.

@kcookandcatsco.bsky.social Sep 8, 2026, 10:28 PM

The mark of quality 🧐

#FilmSky 📽️ #Riddick2013 🧵

Vinnith Diesel never misses. I'm kidding, he's the fucking worst and a total charisma vacuum.

@kcookandcatsco.bsky.social Sep 8, 2026, 10:26 PM

Solid metatextual commentary.

Wondering what the deal is with Riddick (2013)? Worry not, Vin Diesel (maybe in character, maybe not, who knows) (not him) covers it in VO while some teamster's hand chokes a CGI space-vulture:

"This ain't nothing new."

It certainly isn't!

#FilmSky 📽️ #Riddick2013 🧵

I didn't love that he just choked a bird to death, but it's so obviously CGI and I don't buy the world of this movie at all, so it's kind of fine, in that I hate it and it doesn't matter.

@kcookandcatsco.bsky.social Sep 8, 2026, 10:21 PM

Phew! Instant relief 😮‍💨

For a second, I was worried it might not look like absolute shit. No cause for concern, it turns out!

I'm guessing this takes place in Mexico, possibly in the world of the film Traffic, from the color filter that's been applied here.

#FilmSky 📽️ #Riddick2013 🧵

I looked him up, wondering what David Twohy was most known for, and it's the Chronicles of Riddick films. Yikes! As far as I'm concerned, he's also known for favoring bad, matching striped fedoras and blazers. Not kidding.

@kcookandcatsco.bsky.social Sep 8, 2026, 10:12 PM

Omg it's going to be so hard to focus on Riddick (2013) with a really good film like Zodiac staring me right in the face during all the stupid, boring parts 😅

#FilmSky 📽️ #Riddick2013 🧵

Yikes. That's gonna be tough for me. But I've seen Zodiac several times. I should watch something I've never seen before that isn't already in the ReelRank database, yeah?

@kcookandcatsco.bsky.social Sep 8, 2026, 10:09 PM

Lol, this is p funny. The Wikipedia description for Riddick (2013) just describes Riddick's character as 'notorious murderer Riddick.'

Yeah, that's all you need to know about him. Not a good guy 🙂‍↔️

#FilmSky 📽️ #Riddick2013

Prob no need for the hashtag; who's gonna talk about Riddick (2013)? 😆