This post caused three people to unsubscribe after reading it. If that doesn't make you want to click through, I don't know what I'm doing here.

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Martin nodded and Beefy got up to follow me back to my room. Flexible. Obedient. Good traits.

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If you love Jolon but hate Medium, I also have a substack. Don't worry, it's all totally free. I wouldn't charge for this shit.

jolonfairweather.substack.com/p/0-the-drea...

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Managed to get Covid. Remember that? One for the nostalgia nerds.

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You’ve never trusted rocket before, but now’s the time to let it into your life.

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I was about to start when some cunt called Martin walked in and sat opposite me.

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“Before you ask,” she said, sitting down immediately, “I forgot your plant.”

“I wasn’t going to ask,” I said. It wasn’t the start I’d been hoping for.

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Someone presented slides while I counted my heartbeats. Is it normal for it to skip?

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I needed to get myself back into the game, so I gave her a finger wag I’d rehearsed. Other hand on my hip. Mock stern. Like a fucking teapot.

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We’d discussed this before. But we both know I’m the best worker in the whole building.

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Buying this place was supposed to be a milestone. Something solid. I worked weekends, skipped nights out, and lived off Pot Noodles (Bombay Bad Boy — I allowed myself some treats).

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A woman at reception asked if I was there for the employee wellbeing and productivity optimisation session.

“Absolutely not. I’m here for the printer.”

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