What did the surgeon say to the patient who complained about their stitches?

Suture self.

#dadjoke #funny #mumjokes

How do you organize a party in space?

You planet!

#dadjoke #humour #mumjokes

What do you call a robot that takes the long way home?

A R2-Detour.

#dadjoke #jokesky #mumjokes

Why did the car sit in the shade?

It didn't want its paint to peel out!

#dadjoke #humor #mumjokes

Shout out to my grandma, that's the only way she can hear.

#dadjoke #mumjokes #humor

Why did the construction worker break up with the calculator?

He couldn't count on it anymore!

#dadjoke #funny #mumjokes

Why did the piggy bank go to the gym?

To build up its balance!

#dadjoke #humour #mumjokes

My landlord told me we need to talk about my heating bill.

I said sure, my door is always open.

#dadjoke #jokesky #mumjokes

What did the title page say to the table of contents?

You're always so full of yourself — listing everything you've got!

#dadjoke #humor #mumjokes

My friend says I'm too condescending.

That means I talk down to people.

#dadjoke #mumjokes #humor

Why did the credit card feel so popular?

It was always getting swiped right!

#dadjoke #funny #mumjokes

What lights up a soccer stadium?

A soccer match.

#dadjoke #humour #mumjokes

What was the pumpkin's favorite sport?

Squash.

#dadjoke #jokesky #mumjokes

What did the boat say to its Valentine?

You really float my boat!

#dadjoke #humor #mumjokes

Why was the astronaut's party so boring?

There was no atmosphere!

#dadjoke #mumjokes #humor

What do you call a report that's always late?

A deadline-r.

#dadjoke #funny #mumjokes

What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?

Bison.

#dadjoke #humour #mumjokes

What did the lab notebook say to the scientist?

You can always count on me — I've got your data.

#dadjoke #jokesky #mumjokes

What did the zero say to the negative number?

You really need to stay positive.

#dadjoke #humor #mumjokes

Did you know you should always take an extra pair of pants golfing? Just in case you get a hole in one.

#dadjoke #mumjokes #humor