Good morning Melbourne!

The Cranbourne and Pakenham lines are suspended between Oakleigh and Dandenong due to vandalism.

We’ve provided a limited bus replacement service. You’ll need to get a spot on board Hunger Games style.

Good luck!

#MetroTrains

Heading to PAX this weekend?

Taking a train to Southern Cross is a cheap & efficient alternative to driving, and only a short walk from the venue.

Bonus: there’s a Woolworths on the concourse for quick and easy purchase of deodorant.

#MetroTrains

Throwback Thursday!

This Peter J Vincent pic shows Frankston Station as it appeared in the late 1970s.

We're not sure if the gates in the foreground were part of the level crossing or there to help keep the local bogans out. Probably the latter.

#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday

Due to the increasing cost of diesel all Myki fares will incur a $1 fuel surcharge from tomorrow.

Yes, our trains are fully electric, however we still feel justified in adding the diesel surcharge.

Thank you for your co-operation in this matter.

#MetroTrains

Daylight Saving Time starts tomorrow.

A reminder to turn your Myki forward at 2am. Or back at 2am. Better yet, shove your Myki up your arse at 2am.

#MetroTrains

Good morning Melbourne (and Sydney)!

A shoutout to our friends up north who today are retiring the K sets with a final public farewell run. The last service will operate Central to Hornsby before terminating at Olympic Park.

www.transport.nsw.gov.au/news-and-eve...

#MetroTrains

Throwback Thursday!

This c1980s Graeme Rayson pic shows a Hitachi at the former Galvin Station on the Werribee line.

There have been calls for this closed station to reopen due to population growth in the area. We considered the idea and said "nah, fuck that".

#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday

Good morning Melbourne!

In line with new requirements from today we are not adding a payment surcharge to Myki top-ups performed via credit card. We weren't previously, but we're also not doing so from today.

We hope this post has been useful.

#MetroTrains

Metro 5.30pm Update:

All lines running well this afternoon with no disruptions or incidents.

As you’re all enjoying a nice ride home tonight we hope you all stub your toes on a piece of furniture.

#MetroTrains

Now the match is over, we're running extra services from the MCG to help all of you interstate cunts fuck off back home.

Thanks and bye.

#MetroTrains #AFLGF2026

Good: Football fans from two different states coming to experience our great city and all it has to offer.

Better: Double the opportunity to fine out-of-state visitors who don't understand how Myki works.

#MetroTrains

Good morning Melbourne!

We're running additional services to get you to/from the Kylie Minogue concert at the MCG this afternoon. You might even want to stick around for some ball game that's happening too.

#MetroTrains

An important message from Fake Metro Trains: Know the signs of a stroke.

#MetroTrains

Throwback Thursday!

This Weston Langford pic shows Upfield Station as it appeared in 1959.

At the time the surrounding area was a desolate wasteland.

Today, it's much the same, just with more kebab shops.

#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday

Creating the most epic wedding photo in the history of forever.

#MetroTrains

Metro 5.30pm Update:

All lines running well with no delays or cancellations.

If someone on a train could have a massive heart attack or something right now and cause a delay we’d really appreciate it.

#MetroTrains

Throwback Thursday!

This c1980 GEHS pic shows the gatekeeper's hut near Glenhuntly.

At a time where level crossing gates were manually operated, these huts provided not only shelter for gatekeepers, but also a place for a cheeky wank between trains.

#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday

Looks like Bruce Whalley has been milkshake ducked.

Fuck you, Bruce.

#MetroTrains

Good morning Melbourne!

Extensive delays and cancellations may be experienced across the network as we upgrade our fleet to trainOS 27.

Your patience is appreciated.

#MetroTrains

Good morning Melbourne!

It’s a new week and you can all go fuck yourselves in the mouth. Thanks.

#MetroTrains