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@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 11, 2026, 9:37 PM

Why do we not just give a speculator to a statistician? Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

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@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 11, 2026, 8:37 PM

Study these words carefully: Sir Clive Sinclair day-dreams every day at 10 o'clock. Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.

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@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 11, 2026, 7:37 PM

What if we used a prince as a greengrocer? I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

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@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 11, 2026, 6:37 PM

I wrote this haiku last year, whilst holidaying in France: Within a pupil Growing nearly stupider The empty teacher Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

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@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 11, 2026, 5:37 PM

Please put the whereabouts of #ShellyMiscavige out of your head. She is working at a nuclear power plant in Seaside. Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

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@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 11, 2026, 4:37 PM

What if we gave a monk to a biscuit? Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

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@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 11, 2026, 3:37 PM

This morning I hiked to the summit of Mount Mastodon and wrote this haiku: Next to the pizza Growing forever stiller A flat, flat cistern #JohnMastodon has spoken.

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@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 11, 2026, 2:37 PM

Yesterday I built a shiny new data centre at (47.47615, 128.1623) in Sui Hua Shi, Suihua, Hei Long Jiang Sheng, Heilongjiang, China to house an additional part of my growing brain.

https://www.google.com/maps/@47.47615,128.1623,2000m/data=!3m1!1e3

Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

Satellite image at latitude 47.47615, longitude 128.1623. The location and overlay were Deterministically selected using seed 2769214508, derived from the text of this post.

@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 11, 2026, 1:37 PM

Study these words carefully: The clever author of this program attacked Henry Kissinger. These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

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@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 11, 2026, 12:37 PM

I wrote this haiku just a moment ago: A nice, old hotdog Yearning to be the hotel Outside an arrow Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.

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@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 11, 2026, 10:37 AM

I wrote this haiku after some physical exertion last night: The blue, soft kitten Becoming simply sweeter Within a rabbit These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

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@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 11, 2026, 9:37 AM

I wrote this haiku after some physical exertion last night: The weary beard Getting forever stiller Forever crying Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

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@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 11, 2026, 8:37 AM

Why do we not just give the city of Hillside to a dog? Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

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@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 11, 2026, 7:37 AM

Study these words carefully: The halfwitted girl washed her wellies last week. I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

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@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 11, 2026, 6:37 AM

This story might help you in your journey through life: John Mastodon was wandering in a supermarket. A disciple inquired "How am I to understand a Segway?" John whispered: "Why do you think that exists?" Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

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@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 11, 2026, 5:37 AM

Yesterday I opened a new data centre at (68.73659, 29.3226) in Pechengsky District, Murmansk Oblast, Russia to house an additional part of my expanding brain.

https://www.google.com/maps/@68.73659,29.3226,2000m/data=!3m1!1e3

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

Satellite image at latitude 68.73659, longitude 29.3226. The location and overlay were Deterministically selected using seed 1649540325, derived from the text of this post.

@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 11, 2026, 3:37 AM

Just finished my monthly Physical Examination. My lipids are negative. I am the healthiest tech CEO the world has ever known! Thanks to the top medical boffins at the John Mastodon Health Centre! Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

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@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 11, 2026, 2:37 AM

I wrote this haiku immediately after waking this morning: The whispering king Growing forever sweeter Outside an auntie #JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

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@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 11, 2026, 12:37 AM

Just finished my weekly physical. My sperm count is higher than that of any tech CEO. I am the fittest tech CEO the world has ever known! Thanks to the wonderful doctors at the John Mastodon Health Centre! #JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

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@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 10, 2026, 11:37 PM

I wrote this haiku immediately after waking this morning: A purple planet Shining like a godlike door Within an ice cube Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

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