@mls0308.bsky.socialWhen I finally spoke about what I'd been through growing up, one relative didn't dispute any of my memories. Rather, she started writing me letters giving me reasons why the abusers did what they did.
Her attempts at explaining away abuse cut like a knife.
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@mls0308.bsky.socialWhen abuse has been the norm, you don't tend to see the enormity of what you've been through & what needs healing. Survivors tend to minimize what they've experienced & wonder why the healing process is so long and painful.
Healing brings peace and light. ✨
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@mls0308.bsky.socialI'm too soft, too quick to forgive, & even after decades of healing work I still get hurt because I offered the benefit of the doubt to someone.
I'm nowhere near the person who was abused and attacked at every turn, but I'm okay with my heart staying open.
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@mls0308.bsky.socialI think we've all made snap judgements about others without knowing much about what they're dealing with.
My smile was so cheery & I was always helping where I could. No one in my life had a clue about the pain I never let show on the outside. Be kind.
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@mls0308.bsky.socialMy mom's anger was so explosive & unpredictable, we never knew what would upset her. What was cute on Monday may get you a slap on Tuesday. My father? A jaw always clenched. Kids in abuse grow up believing everything is their fault.
But it wasn't ever you.
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@mls0308.bsky.socialSurvivors of trauma are suffering on some level every day. When they are finally ready to share what happened with someone they feel they can trust it's such a big and brave moment.
To be misbelieved at these times is soul crushing.
Believe them.
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@mls0308.bsky.social"The body remembers what the mind forgets." - Bessel van der Kolk
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@mls0308.bsky.socialI did this for many years. I honestly believed I just had to explain "the why" to them and they'd understand & stop their hurtful ways. Wow I talked a lot.
I learned it doesn't work that way. If they're going to change they will without you saying a word.
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@mls0308.bsky.socialWorking on healing from trauma is so exhausting. Yet it doesn't happen in a vacuum. It's hard work that takes your attention away from so many things that are important to you.
It feels so hard because it is hard. Your efforts will lead to a peaceful heart.
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@dawna9.bsky.socialThank you Margaret 🩷
Your #HealingHearts posts always remind me of the most meaningful luxuries in life…
@mls0308.bsky.social"Kids are resilient" is a myth. This is especially true where there is abuse. They see everything, & in their limited capacity learn ways to survive.
Survive.
Their chance to just be a kid is stolen. They're too busy adapting to the chaos in their lives.
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@mls0308.bsky.socialAbuse survivors believe they've done something to deserve the treatment they received. That's a lie they were likely told repeatedly.
Please remember:
"Your story isn't shameful. Their behavior is."
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@mls0308.bsky.socialIt took years until I was able to be in relationships & not feel like it was necessary to do something to be accepted or for them to stay.
I was always waiting for the other person to leave. They almost all did. Until I changed who I spent my time with.
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@mls0308.bsky.socialWhen the flashbacks & triggers became overwhelming, it required physical distance from the abusers in my life for my physical & emotional health.
It broke my heart to stay away from family events. But I can say with confidence today that it saved my life.
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@mls0308.bsky.socialIt's our instinct as humans to survive. If you've grown up in an abusive environment, you've found ways to adapt to behaviors you should have never been subjected to.
Wherever you are on the healing path, please continue. Your peace is worth the effort. 💐
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@mls0308.bsky.socialYou just never know. A gesture that may seem small to you might be something that helps someone who is struggling despite "looking okay".
Always remember your actions have a ripple effect.
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@mls0308.bsky.socialThough I wasn't aware of what the impetus was behind my decisions or behaviors the abuse I endured shaped all of my choices until I was able to begin on a path of recovery.
Surviving abuse is only the start. Healing from it is where you find your strength.
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@mls0308.bsky.socialSurvivors of abuse seldom "look like it". I don't believe one person in my life knew what I was going through until I started getting help. Including my siblings. We were too busy being "happy" because that was safest.
We really don't know. Just be kind.
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@mls0308.bsky.socialThe trauma in my life began when I was born. Yes it was my normal; it was also terrifying. My smile was for the abusers, not me. So they didn't see terror in the mirror that was their child.
It's so much work & so much risk to find freedom. It's worth it.
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