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ER: "Worst headache of her life."
Me: "How fast did it come on?"
ER: "She said one second."
Me: "I'm already in the elevator."

Send this to whoever taught you that the speed of onset matters more than the severity.

Hour nineteen.
I walked into the workroom and introduced myself to my own resident.

He shook my hand. He also wasn't sure.

Send this to the resident you may or may not have already met today.

I own four pens.

All four came from drug companies.

Two of those drugs have been withdrawn.

One of the companies no longer exists.

The pen works perfectly.

Send this to whoever is holding an extinct pen right now.

Me: "Close your eyes and picture an apple."
Him: "Okay."
Me: "What color is it?"
Him: "...hold on. You can actually SEE one?"

Save this, then ask the person next to you what they saw.

Team: "His pupils are different sizes — should we scan him?"
Me, holding up his driver's license from 2011: "They were different sizes here, too."

Send this to the resident who scans first and asks second.

They just approved the first drug that fixes the actual cause of narcolepsy.
The most common side effect is insomnia.

We didn't cure it. We overshot it.

Send this to the sleep doc who has been waiting twenty years for this.

Ortho: "pt confused."
Surgery: "pt confused."
Psych: "pt confused."

I am not a neurologist. I am the confusion department.

Send this to the consultant who has typed those exact two words this week.

"Is there a doctor on board?"
Me, standing up: "I'm a neurologist."
Flight attendant, still scanning the cabin: "...anyone else?"

Send this to the specialist who'd be exactly as useless at 35,000 feet.

Me: "The AI note says the patient denied recent travel."
Resident: "He's been intubated since Tuesday."
Me: "So it interviewed him spiritually."

Send this to the resident who catches the AI's inventions before you do.