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Grilled Cheese is a product of Village Compute

Version devBuilt at: 2026-10-18 01:16:41 EDT

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I did cocaine and multiple Es a day while getting straight As at university.

I was peppy, preppy, on every team and club. A high achiever. The straight-edged motherfucker nobody would ever suspect.

I don't remember most of my first degree. But I know I excelled.

Nobody knew I was an addict.

Nobody except my dealer.

Addiction doesn't always look like addiction. Sometimes, it looks like success.

He has been good to me.

So the next day, I call him again. We do the plans we’d already made, and we move into the next day of this “relationship” I’m in now, I guess. Where I’ve somehow given up all my boundaries. All my rules to keep myself safe.

He takes good care of me.

Is it strange that he makes me feel both incredibly safe and incredibly broken at the same time?

Wake the Neighbours

In the night-time, when I’m alone, I sometimes feel like screaming.

Just lying there, warm and cozy in my bed.

No monsters or violence coming for me, spare for in my dreams.

Yet.

I want to wake my neighbours.

I want to wake the world.

I want to tell them all that we’re crazy.

This world of ours.

Then run around town in all my naked glory, banging pots and pans, on a never-ending quest of ridiculousness where we all break down laughing so hard that the system just falls beneath us.

And all that’s left is the giant joke that we’ve been telling ourselves all our lives.

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A montage of six video frames from Bexxy Mov’s week, featuring books, psychologically messy observations, human behaviour, coping mechanisms, sexuality, and Freyja the one-eyed black cat. The montage captures the varied, candid, and slightly chaotic tone of Bexxy Mov’s content.

THINGS I THOUGHT WERE NORMAL BECAUSE I'M PSYCHOLOGICALLY MESSY
Being able to explain exactly why your behaviour makes no sense...
while continuing to do it.
Understanding your coping mechanism perfectly...
and still using it.
Knowing your pattern.
Naming your pattern.
Analyzing your pattern.
Doing the f%$king pattern anyway. 😂

A black cat rolls onto her back for belly rubs, looking sweet and relaxed. At the end of the clip, she lifts her head and looks directly at the camera with her one remaining eye, giving the impression that she’s been watching everything all along. 🐈‍⬛👁️

“It just rearranges my head, and my guts.
It makes it so all the cloudiness leaves and it’s clear skies ahead. Like I can think again.
It feels like there is a toxin that is slowly released in my body when I don’t get fucked, and the longer the time, the cloudier my thoughts, the bitchier my attitude.

A video from an alternative-economy party where people share food, art, music, poetry, skills, and space. Text on screen reflects on community, contribution, and what happens when everyone brings something.

📚 BEXXY MOV’S BOOKSHELF

A Farewell to Arms | Ernest Hemingway

WHAT IF THE SEX WAS BETTER BECAUSE THEY WERE BOTH TERRIFIED?

War.
Sex.
Love.
Desperation.

Henry and Catherine aren't exactly building a healthy relationship.

They're fucking falling in love while the world is falling apart.

And honestly?

Sometimes trauma makes people cling to each other like they're the last safe place on earth.

Sexy. Messy. Doomed.

Hemingway knew what he was doing. 🖤

HAVE YOU EVER BELIEVED A CHARACTER... ONLY TO REALIZE THEY'VE BEEN LYING TO YOU THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME?
That's the magic of an unreliable narrator.
You don't just read the story.
You investigate it.
Every detail becomes suspicious.
Every memory might be bullshit.
Every “trust me” becomes a red flag.
And somehow...
you keep turning the pages. 😂
Because being fooled by a character is a hell of a lot more fun than being bored by one.
Would you rather know the truth from page one?

THINK EROTIC FICTION IS JUST ABOUT SEX?
SO DID I.
I started The Copulation Chronicles thinking it would be an erotic tale.
Then the character expanded.
Suddenly there was trauma. Addiction. Grief. Contradictions.
And I realized the sex was only the doorway.
The real story was the person underneath it. 🖤

WHAT THE F%$K DID PEOPLE THINK ABOUT MY BOOK?
Script:
“I wrote a book about sex, trauma, addiction, war, and grief.
So... I asked the readers. 😂
Crystal gave it 4 stars and called it ‘Triggers galore!’
Amanda gave it 5 stars and called it ‘thoughtful’ and ‘surprisingly tender.’
Two readers.
Two very different reactions.
Honestly?
That's psychologically messy. I love it. 🖤”

Why are we so f$%king interested in people we don't even like?
Because complicated people make us work for the answer.
They're contradictory.
They surprise us.
They make terrible choices.
And we keep thinking:
“But WHY the hell did you do that?”
Maybe we're not fascinated by the mess.
Maybe we're fascinated by the person underneath it.
That's why I love psychologically messy stories.
The person is never just the behaviour.

WHAT IF YOU KNEW IT WAS FUCKING DESTROYING YOU... AND DID IT ANYWAY?
SCRIPT:
That's addiction.
Knowing.
Hating it.
Promising yourself you'll stop.
And doing it anyway.
Not because you don't care.
Because something in you needs it more than you want to admit.
That's what psychologically messy fiction gets right.

WHAT IF YOU COMMITTED MURDER... AND THEN HAD TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH YOURSELF?

Welcome to another edition of What's on Bexxy Mov's Bookshelf.
Crime and Punishment.
Guy commits murder because he thinks he's smarter than everyone else.
Turns out...
he's not smarter than his own fucking conscience.
He doesn't just have to worry about getting caught.
He has to deal with guilt, paranoia, and the deeply inconvenient experience of being himself.
And honestly?
Dostoevsky really said, “Fuck prison. Let's make your brain the punishment.”
Psychologically messy?
Absolutely.
Would you confess?

Life's messy. So are my stories.
Join me for: • Dark humour. • Cats. • Trauma. • Addiction. • Fiction. • And more.

IF YOU'RE HYPERSEXUAL OR DEAL WITH SEXUAL COMPULSIVITY AND DON'T WANT TO GIVE UP SEX, GIVE ME 20 SECONDS.
I've been hypersexual for as long as I can remember, and I've been in recovery for nearly five years.
So here's my harm reduction:
Condoms. STI testing. Oral barriers. Clear boundaries. Safe exits.
And most importantly, no shame.
I'm not trying to eliminate my sexuality.
I'm trying to make the choices I make safer.
That’s harm reduction.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN UNCOMFORTABLY INVESTED IN SOMEONE WHO WAS CLEARLY A MESS?

I started reading my reviews and noticed something.

Readers kept calling my characters complex. Raw. Intense. Uncomfortable.

And I realized...

Apparently, that's my thing.

I like characters who make you think:

“What the fuck are you doing?”

But you keep reading anyway.

Because you understand them.

That's psychologically messy fiction. 🖤

The post is a montage of 6 posts from the week with this week in Psychologically messy written overtop.

A 24-second montage of Freyja, a 14-year-old black cat with one eye, shown in several cute and playful moments. Text introduces her as an adventure cat who has no intention of slowing down.