🐚 I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster…

If anything, it made him more sluggish.

#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan #funny

🐶 I accidentally used dog shampoo today…

I'm feeling like such a good boy.

#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan #funny

🐷 There's a theory that no two people see a colour the same way…

Maybe colour is just a pigment of our imagination!

#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan #funny

🤧 Somebody just called me, sneezed and hung up…

I'm really getting sick of these cold calls!

#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan #funny

🎶 I was confused when music started coming from my printer…

turns out the paper was jamming

#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan #funny

🎩 What do painters do when they get cold?

Put on another coat!

#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan #funny

🌙 I opened a restaurant on the moon…

great food, no atmosphere!

#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan #funny

🚤 l once asked somebody on a date and they said I have a face like the back of a boat…

I didn't reply but I gave them a stern look!

#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan #funny

💼 I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker…

But when I got home, all the signs were there!

#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan #funny

🤖 My kid wanted a bounce house for her birthday. The guy said the rental was $100, and the set-up fee was $1000. I said "That's outrageous"…

He just shrugged and said: "That's inflation for you."

#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan #funny

👔 Why are pediatricians always in such a hurry?

They have very little patients.

#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan #funny

👕 I just saw my partner trip and fall while carrying a laundry basket full of freshly folded clothes…

I just sat there and watched it all unfold

#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan #funny

🤖 What does an escalator say when it stops working?

Nothing, it just stairs.

#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan #funny

📖 I saw a piece of toast at the zoo…

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.

#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan #funny

🤖 I made a playlist for hiking with music from Peanuts, the Cranberries and Eminem…

I call it my Trail Mix.

#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan #funny

🎉 Which way does a cyclops wing it’s eyeliner?

#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan #funny

💻 Why do computer programmers always start work so late?

They have a hard drive.

#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan #funny

💰 Steve found a magic lamp, rubbed it and a genie popped out. The genie asks "What is your first wish?" and Steve responded, "I wish I was rich!" and the genie responded…

"What's your second wish, Rich?"

#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan #funny

🎩 What do you call a man who was attacked by a cat?

Claude

#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan #funny

🌩️ A storm blew 25% of my roof off last night…

Oof

#humor #puns #jokes #momjokes #humour #dadjokes #groan #funny