The lizard people launched their invasion on July 3. Ships dropped alligators and Gila monsters into crowded malls. The President gave a rousing speech: This will be our independence day. The lizards interrupted it, dropping giant Komodo Dragon turds on the White House. #TwtStory

Jared spoke with hushed tones as he laid out the latest conspiracy theory to his buddy Tim. “The lizard people from Venus have invaded. Thirty years ago. Now they’re everywhere.”
“Seriously? That’s stupid.”
“Why are you scratching your wrist?”
“My scales are itching,” #TwtStory

#TwtStory Upcoming: Five tweet stories on the subject: Invasion of the lizard people

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The other players couldn’t understand Swifty’s was excited to learn he’d been traded to the White Sox. “They’re the worst team in history,” said his roommate. “They lost 121 games.”
“Exactly. None of them can hit a curve ball. That gives me a real shot at the show.” #TwtStory

Brad turned on the game for his French cousin, Francois. “See that tackle? That’s real football, not a bunch of guys running a round like chickens.”
“You call this football? Guys in helmets and armor busting each other’s heads? You can put lipstick on the pigskin but…” #TwtStory

Buford loved to brag about his days playing college football. “We won the division title. Twice.”
Jim asked Buford’s wife, “Isn’t he a little skinny for college ball?”
“Four years at Southern North Dakota JC. Third-string kicker. One field goal attempt. He missed.” #TwtStory

The team manager told Swifty he wouldn’t make the team this year or any other. “I can’t see why the team paid a million dollar signing bonus. We took you in the last round.”
Someone poked his head through the door. It was the team’s new owner. Swifty said, “Hi, dad.” #TwtStory

Bill swore to his wife Janet that his new gambling app was paying off. “They spotted me two hundred, and I parlayed that into a thousand betting on the Bills.”
Someone pounded on the door.
“Don’t worry. It’s just the guys I lost our mortgage to on the Cowboys game.” #TwtStory

Swifty asked the team manager why he wasn’t further up the list of candidates for the big leagues. His manager replied, “You have 17 errors in 17 chances at the ball.”
Swifty cocked his neck in confusion. “What’s the problem. Basically I’m batting a thousand in errors.” #TwtStory

After 42 at bats in spring training, Swifty spotted an inside curve. He took a breath, timed his swing and lofted the ball into shallow left field shouting, “I did it!”
“You finally hit a curve ball,” coach said. “Now you need to hit a slider, change up, and fastball.” #TwtStory

Sharon’s brothers asked her new boyfriend Tim to play football before dinner. Her big 280-pound former pro football brothers. He said not thanks, but they assured him, “It’s just flag football.”
As she wrapped his ribs, Sharon said, “Flag, yes. But they tackle first.” #TwtStory

Swifty Spead, left fielder reported to his first spring training, He finally made at the show. “Not so fast,” his batting coach said. “There are 25 players ahead of you.” When Speed asked why he was last on the list, the coach said, “They know how to hit a curve ball.” #TwtStory

Bubba lost it when he learned his wife cancelled his NFL subscription. “Every game, Brenda. Every game.”
“The increased the subscription fee 10 times, Bubba. It’s keep making payments on the monster truck or watch every game.”
It helped that Bubba never looked at bills. #TwtStory

#TwtStory Upcoming: Five tweet stories on the subject: Spring Training

#TwtStory Upcoming: Five tweet stories on the subject: Football

Advantage to writing a #TwtStory No. 22: Build an audience for your fiction. Join me with 270 character stories using the x/bsky neutral tag

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#AmWriting #writers #write #MicroFiction #fictionwriter #writerswednesday

Rich Georgie Porgie, he
Kissed the girls under his tree
He did more than that—
So said the dead rabbits—
And his lawyers had millions to pay.
He kissed one too many.
(He loved her sweet fanny.)
She spilled to the press.
He claimed duress.
The jury said, “He gets away.” #TwtStory

Goosey, goosey, gander,
Wither will you wander?
Upstairs, downstairs
In a bathroom chamber.
There he met an old man
Tweeting on his golden throne.
Stolen votes and Democrats.
Dog with a bone.
Goosey stole his hair
Threw him down stairs.
One big asshole no longer here. #TwtStory

Gilf Janice Hubbard looked in her cupboard
To find her poor dog a bone.
Her daughter-in-law tossed them
Because they’re disgusting.
“Just be glad those filthy things are gone.”
So she gave her dog kibble
But he wouldn’t nibble.
He barked, “Give me porter house or none.” #TwtStory