Ballade at Thirty-Five

...Princes, never I'd give offense,
Won't you think of me tenderly?
Here's my strength and my weakness, gents -
I loved them until they loved me.

#DorothyParker #Parker

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On seeing a worn-out toothbrush in their hostess's bathroom:
Fellow guest: "Whatever do you think she does with that?"
DP: "I think she rides it on Halloween."

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As far as I'm concerned, the most beautiful word in the English language is "cellar-door".

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John Huston is doing something called, very simply, The Bible. Now you must admit that's a big job. I think he's going to stop with Moses because he can't stand another moment - he is playing Moses, you see.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Promise me that my gravestone will carry only these words:
"If you can read this, you've come too close."

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To someone who congratulated her with the words "What are you complaining about? You're married to a charming, handsome man who adores you. What more do you want?" :
"Presents."

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Nickname for Alexander Woollcott's New York apartment:
"Wit's End."

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Braggart

You will be frail and musty
With peering, furtive head,
While I am young and lusty
Among the roaring dead.

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It's not the tragedies that trick us. It's the messes. I can't stand messes.

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George Sand

What time the gifted lady took
Away from paper, pen, and book,
She spent in amorous dalliance
(They do those things so well in France.)

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Hazel Morse was a large, fair woman of the type that incites some men when they use the word "blonde" to click their tongues and wag their heads roguishly.

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To a friend who was upset that he had to get rid of his cat:
"Have you tried curiosity?"

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Of a performance by Katherine Hepburn:
"She ran the whole gamut of emotions, from A to B."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Three highballs, and I think I'm St. Francis of Assisi.

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De Profundis

Oh, is it, then, Utopian
To hope that I may meet a man
Who'll not relate, in accents suave,
The tales of girls he used to have?

#DorothyParker #Parker

Of her second husband:
"Oh, don't worry about Alan. Alan will always land on somebody's feet."

#DorothyParker #Parker

To a supercilious youth who said he "simply couldn't bear fools":
"How odd. Your mother could apparently."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Of the 1930s:
"They were progressive days. We thought we were going to make the world better - I forget why we thought it, but we did."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Godspeed

Oh, seek, my love, your newer way;
I'll not be left in sorrow.
So long as I have yesterday,
Go rake your damned tomorrow!

#DorothyParker #Parker