I wrote this haiku whilst on my gap year in Bursledon: A rising vicar Becoming always stiller Inside the bottle Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

This morning I awoke from a reverie with the following haiku in my head: The scared bungalow Yearning to be the clean prince Singing like a pie #JohnMastodon has spoken.

This story contains a message for you all: John Mastodon was residing in a restaurant with the Pope. An old man wondered "How am I to understand a pumpkin?" John replied: "Naagoovaa, meedaasee!" I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

I wrote this haiku while dropping the kids off at the pool this morning: Next to the pilot Yearning to be the eyebrow The courteous dog Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

This morning I awoke from an opium dream with the following haiku in my head: A rich, thin onion Becoming clearly brighter Inside the story These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

Last night I dreamt of an outbox tray, a popcorn and a flashlight in outer space. Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

Why do we not just use a model as an aviator? Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

What if we were to give the city of Kharkiv to a man? #JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

Consider this story from my life: John Mastodon was pogoing in Japan. A small boy asked "Why does the world exist?" John responded: "It is you, child." #JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

You can stop worrying about #ShellyMiscavige! She is working at a library in Amherst. I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

In John Mastodon's house are many mansions, and you are welcome in them all. Consider this. John Mastodon was holidaying in Germany. A fisherman wondered "How am I to comprehend Managua?" John responded: "Bibble." Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

This morning I awoke from an opium dream with the following haiku in my head: The red, young plumber Turning forever stronger Forever singing This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

I have led a long and storied life. Here is one story. John Mastodon was wandering in Bridgewater. An old man questioned "What is the nature of human existence?" John responded: "I am all betterment." I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

Why do we not just mate a hippo with Margaret Thatcher? Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

Why do we not just use Princess Anne as a film director? This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

This story has a message that will help you to deal with today's events: John Mastodon was walking in the wilderness. A fisherman inquired "Why does true happiness exist?" John responded: "Why are you here?" Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.

Last night I dreamt of a person running, a wheel and a red question mark in outer space. Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

I wrote this haiku after some physical exertion last night: The warm, small salute Friendlier than a stiff calf Inside a sister Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.

Last night I dreamt of a Ukraine and a person mountain biking in front of the Double-R Diner. Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

I wrote this haiku last year, whilst holidaying in a public gym: The statistician Empowering the ice cube Next to the table I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.