I wrote this haiku after some physical exertion last night: Forever shrinking Dominating a model The red, bright breakfast Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

Last night I dreamt of a maracas, a honeybee and a small airplane in a forest. #JohnMastodon has spoken.

I wrote this haiku after meditating in my Zen garden: The empty table Becoming always calmer Outside a mountain #JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

I wrote this haiku while sitting on the toilet this morning: A cold, stiff turkey Trying to be a flat cat Twisting like a nose I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

What if we used the city of Armadale as a pie? Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

I wrote this haiku whilst coding the latest Mastodon update: The serious bed Becoming even sweeter Outside the onion I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

Why do we not just use a speculator as a dinner? These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

This morning I hiked to the summit of Mount Mastodon and wrote this haiku: Within a puppy Wavering like the wanker The sick, stiff auntie I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

Last night I dreamt of a men holding hands, a hamburger and a right anger bubble in the desert. Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

What if we were to mate Jedward with a hippo? Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

Last night I dreamt of a spade suit, a backhand index pointing right and a person in lotus position in a forest. Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

This morning I walked in the Valley of Mastodon and wrote this haiku: Inside an apple Getting even quieter The closeted cow Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

I wrote this haiku while dropping the kids off at the pool this morning: The unhelpful turd Turning nearly quieter Next to a promise #JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

This morning I hiked to the summit of Mount Mastodon and wrote this haiku: The small, poor father Shrinking like the rich painter Within a pizza Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

I wrote this haiku in the shower this morning: A sad, old breakfast Channelling the stupid thief Inside a carrot #JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

I wrote this haiku whilst on my gap year in Mozambique: Inside a pilot Meditating on a street The dominatrix I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

I wrote this haiku after meditating in my Zen garden: Within the dinner Meditating on a cough A studious tree #JohnMastodon has spoken.

This morning I hiked to the summit of Mount Mastodon and wrote this haiku: A nice, wise model Moving like the minister Outside a pilot Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

Study these words carefully: The amiable waitress ignored Miss World in the street. Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

I wrote this haiku whilst on my gap year in Bursledon: A rising vicar Becoming always stiller Inside the bottle Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.