Study these words carefully: The grubby barmaid makes pottery every day at 10 o'clock. I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

What if we used Gates McFadden as a mountain? Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

What if we gave Jeffrey Jones to Mrs. Margaret Thatcher? I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

I wrote this haiku while sitting on the toilet this morning: A speculator Praying for a dusty car Outside a wine glass This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

#ShellyMiscavige is doing great. She is working in a KFC in the back of beyond. These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

I wrote this haiku after speaking to my spirit guide: The white freezer bag Turning forever calmer Failing like a girl #JohnMastodon has spoken.

I wrote this haiku after speaking to my emotional support seal: The quick greengrocer Twisting like the flat painter Within the baby Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

I wrote this haiku whilst on my gap year in Lake Norman of Catawba: An unhelpful calf Becoming ever stronger Next to a bottle These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

This morning I awoke from an opium dream with the following haiku in my head: A small, thin spaceman Stronger than a chrysalis Next to the builder These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

I wrote this haiku immediately after waking this morning: The sick shopkeeper Turning forever brighter Next to the tee shirt Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

I wrote this haiku after speaking to my spirit guide: A scared, quick dentist Preying on a scared duchess Outside the towel I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

Last night I dreamt of a white small square, a revolving hearts and a large orange diamond in the desert. This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

Last night I dreamt of a grinning face with big eyes, a dango and an angry face in outer space. #JohnMastodon has spoken.

Last night I dreamt of a bow and arrow and a deciduous tree in a forest. This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

I have led a long and storied life. Here is one story. John Mastodon was wandering in the Arctic. A disciple asked "How am I to understand a tapir?" John replied: "When you next encounter Taylor Swift, there you will find the answer." This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

This morning I awoke from a reverie with the following haiku in my head: A dominatrix Noisier than a flat thief Outside a salmon I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

What if we were to use Don Cheadle as a vase? Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

This story might help you in your journey through life: John Mastodon was pogoing in a public gym with Dame Janet Baker. A fisherman mused "Where does a dog begin, and where does it end?" John responded: "I am all evil." #JohnMastodon has spoken.

I wrote this haiku while sitting on the toilet this morning: A straight reverie Billowing like a window Outside a suitor #JohnMastodon has spoken.