It's not the tragedies that trick us. It's the messes. I can't stand messes.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Introducing her first husband:
"I want you to meet my little husband."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Experience

Some men break your heart in two,
Some men fawn and flatter,
Some men never look at you;
And that clears up the matter.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Leaving her place one day at the Algonquin Round Table:
"Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom."
(pause)
"I really have to telephone, but I'm too embarassed to say so."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Braggart

You will be frail and musty
With peering, furtive head,
While I am young and lusty
Among the roaring dead.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Thought For a Sunshiny Morning

It costs me never a stab or squirm
To tread by chance upon a worm.
"Aha, my little dear," I say,
"Your clan will pay me back one day."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Of an actress who, she was told, had fallen and broken a leg in London:
"Oh, how terrible. She must have done it sliding down a barrister."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Of her job at Vanity Fair:
"My boss is an idiot, and the rest of the staff is four young men who go to pieces easily. Even when they're in the best of health, you have to stand on their insteps to keep them from flying away."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Never trust a round garter or a Wall Street man.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Hemmingway avoids New York, for he has the most valuable asset an artist can possess - the fear of what he knows is bad for him.

#DorothyParker #Parker

There always must be some kind of hitch.
Isn't nature (finish this line for yourself
and get a year's subscription to the Boston Post).

#DorothyParker #Parker

Of Margot Asquith's four-volume autobiography:
"The affair between Margo Asquith and Margo Asquith will live as one of the prettiest love stories in all literature."

#DorothyParker #Parker

On being told that someone wouldn't hurt a fly:
"Not if it was buttoned up."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Social Note

Lady, lady, should you meet
One whose ways are all discreet,
One who murmurs that his wife
Is the lodestar of his life,
One who keeps assuring you
That he never was untrue,
Never loved another one...
Lady, lady, better run.

#DorothyParker #Parker

"Whatever is, is good" - your gracious creed.
You wear your joy of living like a crown.
Love lights your simplest gift of all - a friend.
Your shining loyalty unflecked by doubt
You ask but leave to follow to the end
(Couldn't you wait until I took you out?)

#DorothyParker #Parker

Experience

Some men break your heart in two,
Some men fawn and flatter,
Some men never look at you;
And that clears up the matter.

#DorothyParker #Parker

On returning by boat from Spain:
"The crossing was so rough the only thing I could keep on my stomach was the First Mate."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Why would anybody choose a career?

#DorothyParker #Parker

Partial Comfort

Whose love is given over-well
Shall look on Helen's face in hell,
Whilst they whose love is thin and wise
May view John Knox in paradise.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Nickname for Alexander Woollcott's New York apartment:
"Wit's End."

#DorothyParker #Parker