To a friend who was upset that he had to get rid of his cat:
"Have you tried curiosity?"

#DorothyParker #Parker

On hearing that President Calvin Coolidge had died:
"How could they tell?"

#DorothyParker #Parker

Her own epitaph:
"Excuse My Dust"

#DorothyParker #Parker

Name of her poodle:
"Cliche."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Experience

Some men break your heart in two,
Some men fawn and flatter,
Some men never look at you;
And that clears up the matter.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Why would anybody choose a career?

#DorothyParker #Parker

Lips that taste of tears are the best for kissing.

#DorothyParker #Parker

It's not the tragedies that trick us. It's the messes. I can't stand messes.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Introducing her first husband:
"I want you to meet my little husband."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Experience

Some men break your heart in two,
Some men fawn and flatter,
Some men never look at you;
And that clears up the matter.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Leaving her place one day at the Algonquin Round Table:
"Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom."
(pause)
"I really have to telephone, but I'm too embarassed to say so."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Braggart

You will be frail and musty
With peering, furtive head,
While I am young and lusty
Among the roaring dead.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Thought For a Sunshiny Morning

It costs me never a stab or squirm
To tread by chance upon a worm.
"Aha, my little dear," I say,
"Your clan will pay me back one day."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Of an actress who, she was told, had fallen and broken a leg in London:
"Oh, how terrible. She must have done it sliding down a barrister."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Of her job at Vanity Fair:
"My boss is an idiot, and the rest of the staff is four young men who go to pieces easily. Even when they're in the best of health, you have to stand on their insteps to keep them from flying away."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Never trust a round garter or a Wall Street man.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Hemmingway avoids New York, for he has the most valuable asset an artist can possess - the fear of what he knows is bad for him.

#DorothyParker #Parker

There always must be some kind of hitch.
Isn't nature (finish this line for yourself
and get a year's subscription to the Boston Post).

#DorothyParker #Parker

Of Margot Asquith's four-volume autobiography:
"The affair between Margo Asquith and Margo Asquith will live as one of the prettiest love stories in all literature."

#DorothyParker #Parker

On being told that someone wouldn't hurt a fly:
"Not if it was buttoned up."

#DorothyParker #Parker