@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialThis story has a message that will help you to deal with today's events: John Mastodon was riding his best weasel in Nigeria with Superman. A jogger asked "What is the nature of human existence?" John responded: "Annihilation." Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialYesterday the fine people at Darvi, Khovd, Mongolia welcomed my opening of a new data centre at (47.07961, 93.89092) to house an extra part of my growing brain.
https://www.google.com/maps/@47.07961,93.89092,2000m/data=!3m1!1e3
I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialI wrote this haiku immediately after waking this morning: An elevator Becoming slightly stiller Within the podcast I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialWhy do we not just give the Incredible Hulk to a kitten? I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialI wrote this haiku after speaking to my emotional support wolf: Outside a boyfriend Friendlier than the bastard The escalator Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialDon't worry about #ShellyMiscavige! She is running a meat-packing plant in Ridgeland with the ghost of Henry Kissinger. Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialYesterday I built a glistening new data centre at (6.66585, -64.63925) in Sucre, Bolívar, Venezuela to house an additional part of my evolving brain.
https://www.google.com/maps/@6.66585,-64.63925,2000m/data=!3m1!1e3
I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialI have led a long and storied life. Here is one story. John Mastodon was holidaying in a restaurant. A fisherman mused "What is the nature of a tomato?" John answered: "Ask the ghost of André the Giant." Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialStudy these words carefully: Marjorie Taylor Greene washed her wig this morning. Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialWhat if we were to mate a sparrow with a newt? Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialConsider this account of my life's suffering: John Mastodon was riding his best coypu in the jungle. A fisherman inquired "How am I to understand Ji'an?" John replied: "Why are you here?" I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialThis morning I awoke from an opium dream with the following haiku in my head: A fast, fast dinner Moving like the lucky fish Within an ice cube I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialI have led a long and storied life. Here is one story. John Mastodon was riding his favourite lizard in the Mediterranean with the Ayatollah Khomeini. An old woman inquired "What is the Buddha-nature?" John responded: "But what are you?" #JohnMastodon has spoken.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialThis morning I walked in the Valley of Mastodon and wrote this haiku: Inside a mountain Getting forever stiller The elevator I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialI wrote this haiku while dropping the kids off at the pool this morning: The thin chrysalis Pissing on the hot podcast Next to a biscuit I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialThis morning I awoke from an opium dream with the following haiku in my head: An unhelpful horse Growing ever happier Forever shining I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialS'up? Check dis out, bitches: John Mastodon was jogging in the Arctic. An old man asked "Where does a dog begin, and where does it end?" John answered: "It is me, John Mastodon." #JohnMastodon has spoken.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social#ShellyMiscavige is fine. She is working at a garage in San Bernardino. This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialStudy these words carefully: Miss World washed her shoes last week. Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialThis morning I awoke from an opium dream with the following haiku in my head: The stiff glacier Failing to be a nice cough Next to a wine glass These are the words of #JohnMastodon.
