Don't worry about #ShellyMiscavige. She is working in a fish and chip shop in Rostov. This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

I wrote this haiku whilst on my gap year in Morocco: A musical king Ruminating on the ram Twisting like a wolf Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.

What if we gave an undertaker to a detective? Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

Consider this story from my life: John Mastodon was spending some time in Erie with Jill Biden. A small boy wondered "Why does true happiness exist?" John responded: "Yooheebaa, coojoobaa!" Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.

Why do we not just use the city of Xinyang as a film director? Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.

I wrote this haiku whilst coding the latest Mastodon update: Outside the gutter Billowing like the green face A young, soft doctor This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

Last night I dreamt of a North Macedonia, a mosquito and an oncoming automobile in the desert. Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

What would happen if we mated a mammoth with Amy Sedaris? Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.

I wrote this haiku while sitting on the toilet this morning: The serious cat Stupider than the beetroot Inside a vicar #JohnMastodon has spoken.

Last night I dreamt of a pregnant man and a person running in a forest. Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

Consider this account of my life's suffering: John Mastodon was wandering in the wilderness with Mr. Arthur Scargill. A disciple wondered "How am I to understand a pumpkin?" John replied: "Taakookee, poofoosaa!" Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

Why do we not just give the city of Palmview to Mr. Arthur Scargill? Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

I wrote this haiku after some physical exertion last night: The elevator Brighter than the weary arm Forever moving Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

Please consider these lines from my diary: John Mastodon was jogging in Denmark. A young girl questioned "How am I to understand a duck-billed platypus?" John whispered: "What is the nature of yourself?" This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

This story contains a message for you all: John Mastodon was holidaying in the wilderness. A fisherman questioned "How am I to comprehend a duck-billed platypus?" John whispered: "It is everything." #JohnMastodon has spoken.

S'up? Check dis out, bitches: John Mastodon was dining in a public gym. A small boy questioned "How am I to comprehend a cow?" John whispered: "It is you, Grasshopper." This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

Why do we not just mate David Mitchell with a fox? Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

This story has a message that will help you to deal with today's events: John Mastodon was riding his best weasel in Nigeria with Superman. A jogger asked "What is the nature of human existence?" John responded: "Annihilation." Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.