Telegram sent to two friends who had been living together and then got married:
"WHAT'S NEW?"

#DorothyParker #Parker

The ugliest modern gesture - that of a man looking at his wrist-watch!

#DorothyParker #Parker

When the New Yorker editor, Harold Ross, asked her why she hadn't been to the office during the week to write her usual piece:
"Someone was using the pencil."

#DorothyParker #Parker

...Why is it no one ever sent me yet
One perfect limousine, do you suppose?
Ah no, it's just my luck to get
One perfect rose.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Did I enjoy the party? One more drink and I'd have been under the host.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Observation

If I don't drive around the park,
I'm pretty sure to make my mark.
If I'm in bed each night by ten,
I may get back my looks again.
If I abstain from fun and such,
I'll probably amount to much.
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Of a mongrel:
"All too obviously, it was the living souvenir of a mother who had never been able to say no."

#DorothyParker #Parker

To a neighbour who tolder her her dog was a female:
"I always call dogs 'he'. It don't do to notice everything."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Sure, you make Money writing on the coast, and God knows you earn it, but that money is like so much compressed snow. It goes so fast it melts in your hand.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Asked what she did for fun:
"Everything that isn't writing is fun."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Paying her last respects to Scott Fitzgerald as eh lay in an undertaker's parlor in Los Angeles, and quoting the words of a mourner at the funer of Jay Gatsby:
"The poor son-of-a-bitch!"

#DorothyParker #Parker

Under interrogation by the FBI in 1952:
Listen, I can't even get my dog to stay down. Do I look like someone who could overthrow the goverment?

#DorothyParker #Parker

Challenged to use the word "horticulture" in a sentence:
"You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think."

#DorothyParker #Parker

On being told at a Halloween party that people were ducking for apples:
"There, but for a single consonant, is the story of my life."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Two Volume Novel

The sun's gone dim, and
The moon's turned black;
For I loved him, and
He didn't love back.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Social Note

Lady, lady, should you meet
One whose ways are all discreet,
One who murmurs that his wife
Is the lodestar of his life,
One who keeps assuring you
That he never was untrue,
Never loved another one...
Lady, lady, better run.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Of her second husband:
"Oh, don't worry about Alan. Alan will always land on somebody's feet."

#DorothyParker #Parker

People ought to be one of two things, young or old. No - what's the use of fooling? People ought to be one of two things, young or dead.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Under interrogation by the FBI in 1952:
Listen, I can't even get my dog to stay down. Do I look like someone who could overthrow the goverment?

#DorothyParker #Parker

Ballade at Thirty-Five

...Princes, never I'd give offense,
Won't you think of me tenderly?
Here's my strength and my weakness, gents -
I loved them until they loved me.

#DorothyParker #Parker