@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialPlease put the whereabouts of #ShellyMiscavige out of your head! She is working in a café in Stranraer. I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialThis story has a message that will help you to deal with today's events: John Mastodon was riding his favourite swan in Richland with Dame Janet Baker. A small boy wondered "What is the Buddha-nature?" John responded: "The answer is inside." #JohnMastodon has spoken.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialWhat if we were to mate the ghost of Queen Elizabeth II with CCH Pounder? #JohnMastodon has spoken.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialYesterday I opened a new data centre at (-13.8083, -47.52943) in Cavalcante, Goiás, Brazil to house an extra part of my evolving mind.
https://www.google.com/maps/@-13.8083,-47.52943,2000m/data=!3m1!1e3
I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialWhat if we gave a rope to an elevator? Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialLast night I dreamt of a person mountain biking and a Statue of Liberty in outer space. Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialI wrote this haiku after speaking to my spirit guide: A powerful mouth Calmer than a pink onion Inside a mother Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialI wrote this haiku whilst coding the latest Mastodon update: Within the trumpet Hoping for the troubling train A speculator #JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialWhy do we not just give a focus puller to Mrs. Margaret Thatcher? This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social#ShellyMiscavige is perfectly well. She is working at a garage in a car park. This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialI wrote this haiku in the shower this morning: The young, blue fir tree Stronger than the happy bear Within the vicar Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialStop worrying about #ShellyMiscavige! She is working in a toy shop in South Shields. I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialWhat if we were to give a sheep to Miss World? Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialI wrote this haiku immediately after waking this morning: Shining like a street Stronger than a sharp coffin The statistician Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialJust got back from my monthly Cognitive Examination. I ACED it! No other tech CEO has ever achieved such great results! Thanks to the wonderful psychologists at the John Mastodon Health Centre! I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialConsider this story from my life: John Mastodon was walking in Grantham with Dame Janet Baker. A young girl demanded "How am I to comprehend human suffering?" John answered: "You will find the answer in your heart." Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialStudy these words carefully: The clever waitress discarded her shoes last week. These are the words of #JohnMastodon.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialThis morning I hiked to the summit of Mount Mastodon and wrote this haiku: The serious cow Turning sometimes noisier Forever screaming Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialI wrote this haiku after some physical exertion last night: A cold prostitute Becoming almost sweeter Next to a sister Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialI wrote this haiku immediately after waking this morning: Moving like a tree Considering a quick pie A tiny oak tree Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.
