Name for a pet parrot:
"Onan" (because he spilled his seed on the bottom of his cage.)

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Braggart

You will be frail and musty
With peering, furtive head,
While I am young and lusty
Among the roaring dead.

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To a friend who asked her if she liked her hair:
"Lovely. I can't wait for mine to go gray so I can have it made blue."

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Of a play by Channing Pollock:
"The House Beautiful" is The Play Lousy.

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Rhyme Against Living

If wild my breast and sore my pride,
I bask in dreams of suicide;
If cool my heart and high my head,
I think, "How lucky are the dead!"

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Oscar Wilde

If, with the literate, I am
Impelled to try an epigram,
I never seek to take the credit;
We all assume that Oscar said it.

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George Sand

What time the gifted lady took
Away from paper, pen, and book,
She spent in amorous dalliance
(They do those things so well in France.)

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Colliding with Clare Booth Luce in a doorway:
CBL: "Age before beauty."
DP (stepping aside): "Pearls before swine."

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Of an actress who, she was told, had fallen and broken a leg in London:
"Oh, how terrible. She must have done it sliding down a barrister."

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Superfluous Advice

Should they whisper false of you,
Never trouble to deny;
Should the words they say be true,
Weep and strom and swear they lie.

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Women who live alone in small residential hotels throughout the United States have plenty of money and plenty of time: their only occupation is to spend one and kill the other.

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Words of Comfort to be Scratched on a Mirror

Helen of Troy had a wandering glance;
Sappho's restriction was only the sky;
Ninon was ever the chatter of France;
But oh, what a good girl am I!

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Name of her poodle:
"Cliche."

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Unfortunate Coincidence

By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying -
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying.

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News Item

Men seldom make passes
At girls who wear glasses.

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To Sam Goldwyn, who asked her at dinner: "Do you really say all those things which the papers report that you say?"
"Do you?"

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Challenged to use the word "horticulture" in a sentence:
"You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think."

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Summary

Every love's the love before
In a duller dress.
That's the measure of my lore -
Here's my bitterness:
Would I knew a little more,
Or very much less!

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Pictures in the Smoke

Oh, gallant was the first love, and glittering and fine;
The second love was water, in a clear white cup;
The third love was his, and the fourth was mine;
And after that, I always get them all mixed up.

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On being told that someone wouldn't hurt a fly:
"Not if it was buttoned up."

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