On writing for films:
"I don't believe the films have anything to do with writing except in a crossword puzzle kind of way. Writing a script is drawing together a lot of ends which can be worked into a moving picture."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Challenged to use the word "horticulture" in a sentence:
"You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Of a play by Channing Pollock:
"The House Beautiful" is The Play Lousy.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Telegram to an actress who finally had her baby after many carefully contrived appearances during her long pregnancy:
"GOOD WORK. WE ALL KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU."

#DorothyParker #Parker

When asked by a woman sitting next to her at a first night, "Are you Dorothy Parker?"
"Yes, do you mind?"

#DorothyParker #Parker

Telegram sent to two friends who had been living together and then got married:
"WHAT'S NEW?"

#DorothyParker #Parker

Unfortunate Coincidence

By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying -
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying.

#DorothyParker #Parker

As far as I'm concerned, the most beautiful word in the English language is "cellar-door".

#DorothyParker #Parker

Colliding with Clare Booth Luce in a doorway:
CBL: "Age before beauty."
DP (stepping aside): "Pearls before swine."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Superfluous Advice

Should they whisper false of you,
Never trouble to deny;
Should the words they say be true,
Weep and strom and swear they lie.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Horsie

All I say is, nobody has any business to go around looking like a horse and behaving as it it were all right.
You don't catch horses going around looking like people, do you?"

#DorothyParker #Parker

Under interrogation by the FBI in 1952:
Listen, I can't even get my dog to stay down. Do I look like someone who could overthrow the goverment?

#DorothyParker #Parker

Coda

There's little in taking or giving
There's little in water or wine;
This living, this living, this living
Was never a project of mine.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Of the slow pace of work in Hollywood;
"Unless someone comes near my office, I'm going to write MEN on the door."

#DorothyParker #Parker

To someone who congratulated her with the words "What are you complaining about? You're married to a charming, handsome man who adores you. What more do you want?" :
"Presents."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Paying her last respects to Scott Fitzgerald as eh lay in an undertaker's parlor in Los Angeles, and quoting the words of a mourner at the funer of Jay Gatsby:
"The poor son-of-a-bitch!"

#DorothyParker #Parker

Summary

Every love's the love before
In a duller dress.
That's the measure of my lore -
Here's my bitterness:
Would I knew a little more,
Or very much less!

#DorothyParker #Parker

Asked if she knew Hemmingway's age:
"All writers are either 29 or Thomas Hardy."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Colliding with Clare Booth Luce in a doorway:
CBL: "Age before beauty."
DP (stepping aside): "Pearls before swine."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Challenged to use the word "horticulture" in a sentence:
"You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think."

#DorothyParker #Parker