Unfortunate Coincidence

By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying -
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Sure, you make Money writing on the coast, and God knows you earn it, but that money is like so much compressed snow. It goes so fast it melts in your hand.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Of Margot Asquith's four-volume autobiography:
"The affair between Margo Asquith and Margo Asquith will live as one of the prettiest love stories in all literature."

#DorothyParker #Parker

George Reith's "The Art of Successful Bidding" is well over my head. I can't even jump for it.

#DorothyParker #Parker

There were two things that would always bewilder her, she said: how a zipper worked and the exact function of Bernard Baruch.

#DorothyParker #Parker

The ugliest modern gesture - that of a man looking at his wrist-watch!

#DorothyParker #Parker

When asked by a woman sitting next to her at a first night, "Are you Dorothy Parker?"
"Yes, do you mind?"

#DorothyParker #Parker

Her locks had been so frequently and so drastically brightened and curled that to caress them, one felt, would be rather like running one's fingers through julienne potatoes.

#DorothyParker #Parker

On writing for films:
"I don't believe the films have anything to do with writing except in a crossword puzzle kind of way. Writing a script is drawing together a lot of ends which can be worked into a moving picture."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Challenged to use the word "horticulture" in a sentence:
"You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Of a play by Channing Pollock:
"The House Beautiful" is The Play Lousy.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Telegram to an actress who finally had her baby after many carefully contrived appearances during her long pregnancy:
"GOOD WORK. WE ALL KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU."

#DorothyParker #Parker

When asked by a woman sitting next to her at a first night, "Are you Dorothy Parker?"
"Yes, do you mind?"

#DorothyParker #Parker

Telegram sent to two friends who had been living together and then got married:
"WHAT'S NEW?"

#DorothyParker #Parker

Unfortunate Coincidence

By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying -
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying.

#DorothyParker #Parker

As far as I'm concerned, the most beautiful word in the English language is "cellar-door".

#DorothyParker #Parker

Colliding with Clare Booth Luce in a doorway:
CBL: "Age before beauty."
DP (stepping aside): "Pearls before swine."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Superfluous Advice

Should they whisper false of you,
Never trouble to deny;
Should the words they say be true,
Weep and strom and swear they lie.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Horsie

All I say is, nobody has any business to go around looking like a horse and behaving as it it were all right.
You don't catch horses going around looking like people, do you?"

#DorothyParker #Parker

Under interrogation by the FBI in 1952:
Listen, I can't even get my dog to stay down. Do I look like someone who could overthrow the goverment?

#DorothyParker #Parker