@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialJust got back from my annual physical. I scored top marks! I am the fittest tech CEO the world has ever known! Thanks to all the top people-mechanics at the John Mastodon Health Centre! #JohnMastodon has spoken.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialWhy do we not just use an elevator as a dominatrix? I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialWhy do we not just mate a whale with a weasel? Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialI wrote this haiku just a moment ago: Shouting like a tree Getting ever noisier The violet plum Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialWhy do we not just give Frances McDormand to a face? #JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialYesterday I built a glistening new data centre at (-13.51957, -65.1688) in Mamore, Beni Department, Bolivia to house an additional part of my evolving consciousness.
https://www.google.com/maps/@-13.51957,-65.1688,2000m/data=!3m1!1e3
#JohnMastodon has spoken.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialYesterday I built a new data centre at (14.05615, -11.33889) in Moribania, Kayes, Région de Kayes, Kayes Region, Mali to house an extra part of my expanding consciousness.
https://www.google.com/maps/@14.05615,-11.33889,2000m/data=!3m1!1e3
I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialDon't worry about #ShellyMiscavige! She is working in an airport in Bee Ridge with the ghost of Arthur Scargill. #JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialAre you sitting comfortably? Then I will begin. John Mastodon was meditating in Norway. An old woman demanded "Where does Twitter begin, and where does it end?" John replied: "Ask Jennifer Jason Leigh." I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialWhy do we not just use Amy Adams as a turd? This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialJust returned from my yearly Cognitive Examination. I ACED it! No other tech CEO has ever achieved such great results! Thanks to all the top psychologists at the John Mastodon Health Centre! I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialThis morning I hiked to the summit of Mount Mastodon and wrote this haiku: Next to the wanker Crying like a universe A wavy trumpet These are the words of #JohnMastodon.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialWhy do we not just give the city of Safford to Mrs. Margaret Thatcher? Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialI wrote this haiku immediately after waking this morning: A sick, sad onion Dominating the brother Within the teacher This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialI wrote this haiku while dropping the kids off at the pool this morning: The blue stalactite Hoping for a large suitor Outside a butcher Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialI wrote this haiku after speaking to my emotional support dog: A fragrant princess Turning quickly stupider Outside a llama Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialWhat if we were to give a chicken to a mountaintop? I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialLast night I dreamt of a bone, a face with tongue and a vertical traffic light in front of the Double-R Diner. This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialI wrote this haiku while sitting on the toilet this morning: The young, straight headache Considering the wanker Outside the puppy I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.socialI wrote this haiku last year, whilst holidaying in Hopatcong: A trembling painting Dominating a white plum Next to a salute These are the words of #JohnMastodon.
