Name for a pet parrot:
"Onan" (because he spilled his seed on the bottom of his cage.)

#DorothyParker #Parker

Of her pet dog's mange:
"I suppose he got it from a lamp-post."

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Name for a pet parrot:
"Onan" (because he spilled his seed on the bottom of his cage.)

#DorothyParker #Parker

As I was saying to the landlord only this morning, "You can't have everything."

#DorothyParker #Parker

After spending some time in the company of a handsome sun-burnt young film star in Hollywood:
"Ah yes. His is the hue of availability."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Of Elmer Rice:
"Without question the worst fuck I ever had."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Telegram sent to two friends who had been living together and then got married:
"WHAT'S NEW?"

#DorothyParker #Parker

On finding herself a guest at a private house:
"I knew it would be terrible. Only I didn't think it would be as bad as this. This isn't just plain terrible; this is fancy."

#DorothyParker #Parker

There always must be some kind of hitch.
Isn't nature (finish this line for yourself
and get a year's subscription to the Boston Post).

#DorothyParker #Parker

Nickname for Alexander Woollcott's New York apartment:
"Wit's End."

#DorothyParker #Parker

George Sand

What time the gifted lady took
Away from paper, pen, and book,
She spent in amorous dalliance
(They do those things so well in France.)

#DorothyParker #Parker

George Sand

What time the gifted lady took
Away from paper, pen, and book,
She spent in amorous dalliance
(They do those things so well in France.)

#DorothyParker #Parker

Coda

There's little in taking or giving
There's little in water or wine;
This living, this living, this living
Was never a project of mine.

#DorothyParker #Parker

Summary

Every love's the love before
In a duller dress.
That's the measure of my lore -
Here's my bitterness:
Would I knew a little more,
Or very much less!

#DorothyParker #Parker

Oh, I said it all right. You know how it is. A joke. When people expect you to say things, you say things. Isn't that the way it is?

#DorothyParker #Parker

"Whatever is, is good" - your gracious creed.
You wear your joy of living like a crown.
Love lights your simplest gift of all - a friend.
Your shining loyalty unflecked by doubt
You ask but leave to follow to the end
(Couldn't you wait until I took you out?)

#DorothyParker #Parker

On returning by boat from Spain:
"The crossing was so rough the only thing I could keep on my stomach was the First Mate."

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On her pregnancy:
"It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard."

#DorothyParker #Parker

Charles Dickens

Who call him spurious and shoddy
Shall do it o'er my lifeless body.
I heartily invite such birds
To come outside and say those words!

#DorothyParker #Parker

To Sam Goldwyn, who asked her at dinner: "Do you really say all those things which the papers report that you say?"
"Do you?"

#DorothyParker #Parker