My friend is so good at tricking people, he's a super duper duper. #Lunchpun

The plate I got from the supermarket nearly broke when I put my rucksack of Kurt Russell DVDs on it

Bag troubling Lidl china?

Among other classics, yes.

#LunchPun

The Inspiral Carpets have released a new album.

It's available on all floor mats.

#LunchPun

Just met a dyslexic genius with a Brian the size of a planet.

#LunchPun

My agent contacted me about a part in Casualty, I was so excited until I found out I would just be in the background getting treated for a broken arm.

Initially I was furious but I suppose at least I'm in the cast

#Lunchpun #HaveALaugh

#LunchPun #badjokethursday I read about a man who drove his car into a building where a judge was presiding over a criminal trial. It was an unusual episode of Court on Dashcam.

Sad trombone noise. #InversneckyCafe #Aberdeen #AberdeenBeach #Inversnecky #Halloween #LunchPun

My mate had a retro-plate spinning act.
The inaugural tour of Greece was probably
a mistake.
#joke #funny #jokes #LunchPun

My mother in law phoned this morning in a panic.
She said "I think I've broken my arm, what should I do?"
I told her to sling it!

#LunchPun

If you're going to go around dissing the Brandenburg Concertos then I'm almost certainly going to clap Bach.

#LunchPun #Jokes

Weirdly, if you switch around some of the letters in “the sack”, and you’re a postman, that’s what you get.

#LunchPun

For a butterfly to complete its full life cycle from egg to adult, it takes about one moth.

#Lunchpun

I’ve invented a set of mechanical dentures for Vampires.
It’s a new fangled device. #LunchPun

#LunchPun
Abraham Lincoln accused General Lee of stealing his posh cutlery, that's what started the American silverware.

When I was younger I read my Jack Reacher novel every day.

Own Lee Child?

No, I just preferred books to my siblings.

#LunchPun

I know palmistry like the back of my hand

#LunchPun

Multi instrumentalist Mike Oldfield is releasing a concept album about football, tennis, and golf.

Tubular Balls

#Lunchpun #HaveALaugh