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@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 5, 2026, 11:37 AM

Just returned from my monthly Cognitive Examination. I ACED it! No other tech CEO has ever achieved such great results! Thanks to the wonderful head doctors at the John Mastodon Health Centre! I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

$A fractal-dragon image deterministically generated from seed 218659528, which was derived from the text of this post.$

@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 5, 2026, 10:37 AM

Last night I dreamt of a sparkling heart, an oncoming fist and a telescope in a forest. These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 5, 2026, 8:37 AM

What if we were to mate a pig with Holly Hunter? These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

$A fractal-dragon image deterministically generated from seed 518662591, which was derived from the text of this post.$

@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 5, 2026, 7:37 AM

Why do we not just use a spaceman as a bastard? I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

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@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 5, 2026, 6:37 AM

Yesterday I opened a new data centre at (47.12838, 114.07866) in Sükhbaatar, Mongolia to house an extra part of my growing consciousness.

https://www.google.com/maps/@47.12838,114.07866,2000m/data=!3m1!1e3

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

Satellite image at latitude 47.12838, longitude 114.07866. The location and overlay were Deterministically selected using seed 1641125254, derived from the text of this post.

@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 5, 2026, 4:37 AM

Last night I dreamt of a sport utility vehicle, a mouse face and a people with bunny ears in a forest. These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 5, 2026, 3:36 AM

@alessiavarga.bsky.social These lines are just for you: Within the pupil Becoming simply stiller An old, soft sister Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 5, 2026, 2:37 AM

Just finished my daily Cognitive Examination. I successfully identified pictures of a weasel, a whale, a dog and a blackbird. No other tech CEO has ever achieved such great results! Thanks to the wonderful brain-shrinkers at the John Mastodon Health Centre! #JohnMastodon has spoken.

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@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 5, 2026, 12:37 AM

I wrote this haiku after speaking to my spirit guide: Next to a kipper Turning ever noisier The electrician This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

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@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 4, 2026, 9:37 PM

I wrote this haiku whilst coding the latest Mastodon update: Next to the pillow Turning slowly noisier The film director I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

$A fractal-lsystem image deterministically generated from seed 3753902848, which was derived from the text of this post.$

@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 4, 2026, 7:37 PM

Last night I dreamt of a jeans and a Åland Islands in outer space. These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 4, 2026, 6:37 PM

Study these words carefully: The husky author of this program makes pottery. I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

$A fractal-treefern image deterministically generated from seed 2299968459, which was derived from the text of this post.$

@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 4, 2026, 4:37 PM

I wrote this haiku while sitting on the toilet this morning: A charcoal burner Salivating on the horse Within a plumber Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.

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@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 4, 2026, 2:37 PM

Study these words carefully: The stupid footballer plays the cello. #JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

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@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 4, 2026, 1:37 PM

Study these words carefully: Mrs. Margaret Thatcher greeted the fat CBM salesman. Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!

$A fractal-treefern image deterministically generated from seed 1933642922, which was derived from the text of this post.$

@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 4, 2026, 11:37 AM

I wrote this haiku immediately after waking this morning: The elevator Becoming almost brighter Singing like a cup Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.

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@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 4, 2026, 9:37 AM

What if we were to give Mike Leigh to a minister? Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

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@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 4, 2026, 8:37 AM

What would happen if we mated a blackbird with a hippo? These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

$A fractal-pythagoras image deterministically generated from seed 655974368, which was derived from the text of this post.$

@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 4, 2026, 7:37 AM

Last night I dreamt of a snowboarder, a person kneeling and a pinching hand in front of the Double-R Diner. I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social Oct 4, 2026, 6:37 AM

I wrote this haiku after meditating in my Zen garden: The stupid fir tree Shouting like the sad laptop Within the vicar Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.

A mondrian image deterministically generated from seed 3975681484, which was derived from the text of this post.