I wrote this haiku just a moment ago: Inside the ice cube Getting rather friendlier An aviator These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

This story might help you in your journey through life: John Mastodon was riding his black quokka in a public gym with the Pope. An old man wondered "What is the Buddha-nature?" John answered: "The answer is inside." #JohnMastodon has spoken.

You can stop worrying about #ShellyMiscavige! She is working in a library in Longbenton with Princess Anne. These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

I wrote this haiku after speaking to my emotional support mammoth: A quick mastodon Failing like the hungry pie Outside a beard #JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

I wrote this haiku many years ago, whilst on my gap year in Morocco: A boring hotdog Ruminating on a cough Outside the problem This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

I wrote this haiku while sitting on the toilet this morning: Within a moustache Stiller than a rich llama A blue chrysalis #JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

Study these words carefully: The elegant girl kissed the clever footballer in a phone box. These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

I wrote this haiku after some physical exertion last night: A musical heart Cosier than the crab trap Inside a dreamer These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

Why do we not just give a chin to a baby? #JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

I have led a long and storied life. Here is one story. John Mastodon was wandering in a forest. A young girl asked "What is the Buddha-nature?" John whispered: "Ask me next week." #JohnMastodon has spoken.

I wrote this haiku after speaking to my spirit guide: Forever shrinking Becoming quickly stiller An enormous nut #JohnMastodon has spoken.

I wrote this haiku whilst coding the latest Mastodon update: Within the pilot Becoming slowly stiller A weary turkey #JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

Please consider these lines from my diary: John Mastodon was walking in the Hindu Kush with Prince Charles. A disciple asked "What is the Buddha-nature?" John whispered: "Know thyself." Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.

Consider this story from my life: John Mastodon was riding his favourite black beaver in Woodlesford with the Pope. An old man mused "How am I to understand a tomato?" John whispered: "Ask me tomorrow." This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

I wrote this haiku last year, whilst holidaying in Morro Bay: The soft, green river Conversing like a dead cough Forever twisting This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

Stop worrying about #ShellyMiscavige. She is running a library in Denmark. #JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

This story contains a message for you all: John Mastodon was tripping out in England. A young girl inquired "How am I to comprehend happiness?" John responded: "The answer is inside." Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.

Last night I dreamt of a t-shirt, a Japanese not free of charge button and a sponge in the desert. I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

This morning I hiked to the summit of Mount Mastodon and wrote this haiku: A trembling baby Growing forever stiller Within the cowboy These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

Just returned from my monthly Cognitive Examination. I ACED it! No other tech CEO has ever achieved such great results! Thanks to the wonderful head doctors at the John Mastodon Health Centre! I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.