but I know in my heart. I understand it's hard to. who would want to do smth as Uncomfortable as that? but I think you should acknowledge that ghouls and devils like me exist in the world. this is a face of humanity, too. "I'm human to bring the average down."

I'm not a career artist. I'm a psychopath amnesiac recovering my memory and praying for someone to listen

I want to believe in love and hope. I tell myself this every day so I don't disgrace the nobility of my own memory and just fucking Die like a waste

I just want Everyone to live. I want everyone to live! and face themselves and accept when they've done harm and Stop it. to take responsibility, make amends, atone for disgrace and dishonor, and grow

some people don't have the privilege of "being real" and the rest... have little in common with those "alive"

but I don't have to be alone. I'm rebuilding my life and there's already fireflies in it.

and I believe in their existence and pray to god and every ghost on earth that people who The World agrees should die quietly should not only Not die quietly but sing about their lives. I don't care if no one else is listening. I am listening

I'd rather be all alone in the world with only my brother to talk to than disrespect myself into believing in and enacting the suppression of the "unspeakable" - I want those who are unspeakable to know, at least I am willing to tell the truth. and I want others to know I exist/ed

that's why I don't ever want to be silenced again. if you are uncomfortable, you walk away where you can't hear me speak. but the dead tell no lies and they can't tell the truth but I hear their voices all the time

there is nothing worse in the world than traumatically losing the ability to speak Because you know no one will listen and nothing you say matters and nothing you say will help you and so you don't say anything at all. and may never again

I'm really really different from most artists in the most humiliating lonely and psychologically abnormal embarrassing and humiliating shameful way. I just don't like it. when even in subtle implications. that ppl exempt ppl like me from existing. and suggest we should "be quiet" I have been mute.

I still can't put them in order and I'm missing a lot of things from Extreme Big Amnesia and my artistic practice is fundamentally a memory recovery exercise

to be honest, the only reason why I committed to living is because I'm "unable" to kill myself. my DID won't allow it. I attempted years ago and my alter pistolwhipped me so hard it took years of schizophrenic art sublimations to barely scotch tape together all the memories I eliminated from my life

I can't understand u and I don't expect you to understand me. 🥲 I hope we can respect each other. I'm a suicide king. I barely survive me every day. "but no one wants a bummer!" no one said you have to stay

I sincerely congratulate you with all my heart if you haven't suffered extreme violence and isolation to the point that you can imagine art as a practice extricable from yourself instead of a series of suicide notes that "barely" absorb the force of your Attempts. I really hope u succeed like u want

the ppl who r going to help me thru the hell that is my life are "my weird and rare friends online" who listen to my stories and cherish them as my real ass tragic history; as something precious and important. I share my art bc I want a real connection with human beings who "could" care abt me

誰にも聞きたくないよ。もうわかったよ。お腹が痛くて、吐きそう。弱くズ。虫くそ。

もういいよ! いかげんにしろ!ふざけんな!

I'm just really angry and heartbroken and disgusted by myself tbh! yeah it's annoying to watch me be arrogant but it's even more haunting to watch me afraid to stand tall

my art is my own therapeutic practice so I can uhhh Live? and feeling as if it's shameful to share my vent art suppresses and silences people like me from speaking up about the truth, which nobody wants to hear in the first place