Today I have a story called "Today I’m Your Friend Who’s Way Too Comfortable Talking About Masturbation." Thanks so much to the madman Dmitriy Kogan for publishing this sexy little baby. Would especially love if you read it at work or church, around your children, or maybe for your own TMI friend.

Spread the word, y'all.

Remember back when as a young man you learned that cootchie could be both: vagina & the thing you said to babies before you said coo and then tickled them. But you couldn’t say cootchie coo to a woman’s vagina without it being awkard?

Spread the word, y'all.

Come on out y'all and hear to my drunken sailor stories

Driving home from work behind a black Elantra with the bumper sticker “I ❤️ MUSIC” and I think to myself: You go on wit you bad self.

Thanks so much, Belinda.

Thanks so much, Ani.

Thanks so much, Kelli. Much love.

Thanks so much, Stan. Glad you liked it.

Thank you so much to @delgeo14.bsky.social over at Raw Lit for nominate my story "Social Niceties" for Best Small Fictions. Very honored to be listed along side some of my favorite writers out there.

Woke up at 3 this morning with this pome stuck in my head for some reason, so here you go, you're welcome: Today I’m your whittle cuddle bunny. With my big floppy ears. And little fluffy tail. And rabbit turds. Shitloads of little balled-up rabbit turds at the asscrack of midnight.

You are the goddamn best, Linda. I can't tell you how much I appreciate reposting everything.

Just me hiding behind your kitchen cabinets with a blow torch waiting for you to come home so I can yell: Surprise! And: Happy birthday! And: What are you gonna wish for? And: Don’t you know it won’t come true unless you can blow every last one of them out?