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The Borowitz Report

@borowitzreport.bsky.social

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@borowitzreport.bsky.socialDec 29, 2025, 9:49 PM

Ukraine Denies Attack on Putin Residence: “We’re Helping Him Build a Ballroom”

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@borowitzreport.bsky.socialDec 18, 2025, 7:39 PM

Pam Bondi Passes Out from Sharpie Fumes after Redaction Marathon

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@borowitzreport.bsky.socialNov 18, 2025, 8:53 PM

When someone says, “Quiet, piggy,” the appropriate response is, “Shut up, child rapist.” #ettiquette

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@borowitzreport.bsky.socialNov 9, 2025, 2:33 PM

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@borowitzreport.bsky.socialSep 18, 2025, 12:37 AM

Jimmy Kimmel should have stuck to acceptable comments, like suggesting that homeless people be executed

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@borowitzreport.bsky.socialSep 15, 2025, 9:18 PM

JD Vance is calling on employers to fire employees for exercising their First Amendment rights. Yet another reminder why I’m grateful that I don’t work for corporate media—I work for my readers. And now, JD, I will exercise my First Amendment rights by telling you to go fuck your fascist self.

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@borowitzreport.bsky.socialSep 14, 2025, 1:07 AM

Instead of the media’s lazy posthumous takes, I am in favor of Kirk’s actual words being spread far and wide.

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@borowitzreport.bsky.socialSep 12, 2025, 4:18 PM

I guess now that the murder suspect has been identified, Trump owes left wing lunatics an apology. Not gonna happen? Okay, then I’ll settle for him releasing the Epstein files

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@borowitzreport.bsky.socialAug 11, 2025, 11:35 PM

An explanation of Trump’s DC takeover: though crime in the city is at a 30-year low, interest in the Epstein Files is at a 30-year high

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@borowitzreport.bsky.socialJun 24, 2025, 1:01 AM

NOT A JOKE: Trump is killing people around the world and at home. He must be impeached and convicted. #MIDTERMS2026

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@borowitzreport.bsky.socialMar 18, 2025, 1:45 PM

I don’t want to exaggerate my powers of prediction but I posted this ten years ago:

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@borowitzreport.bsky.socialFeb 17, 2025, 10:48 PM

Join me in celebrating I-Wish-We-Had-This-President Day

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