He actually always had quite a good appetite. But now he is a veritable food hoover. A black hole of victuals.

"Do you think that might be enough grapes?" I ask, as he lifts an entire bunch and plonks them in a bowl. After a generous roast dinner. "Why, are there more?"

My 14yo son gobbling his way through our last Big Sainsbury's, shop with the steady, thorough ferocity of a combine harvester.

Things of the Woods. Today’s walk in Woldgate Woods. A retirement home for Snails. Black Fungi. Black creeping stuff beneath bark. And scariest of all…Labrador bark.

Hmm. There's, been some SLAPP action perhaps?

"Protect the Dolls" is offensive to people who want to hurt the dolls, actually.

Now I need to do some tactical muting, because most of the Twitter troglodytes I could quite easily block and forget, but I have to confess I find her queasily fascinating.

Oh god, Frances Weetman.

Yes. I mean... no areas of discomfort or friction or novel sensations is what I want from a pair of joggers. Not a work of art.

the year is 2030 and i no longer consume anything that isn't personalized to me. every game, every book, every movie extends to the limits of my own imagination and no further. i haven't been surprised in five years. i cry softly, in bewilderment, if i see a word i don't know

Sunday domestic bliss hour, home all lamplit, still & spotless, smelling of cooking & laundry. The honeyflood of well-being before the schoolheart, soulsink, doom-dread shatters the cosy contentment like a tin bath of daft oul downhill dicks barrelling through the window of a mattress shop

East Jerusalem is under illegal occupation according to international law and nearly every government. This is Israel imposing ideological censorship on children living under military rule. Every Israeli political party supports this.

Couldn’t resist trying to turn it into a mari lwyd