as i approach age 40 i increasingly live in fear of The Sneeze So Violent It Kills You

There should be historical reenactment societies for people who aren't interested in warfare. me and the lads, all dressed up, desperately trying to find a television because owing to poor planning we're going to miss the moon landing.

My wife just pointed out that I've been walking around the house singing "Make way for manly daddy" to the cats in a faux Liza Minnelli voice, so I'd just like to apologise to all of my bullies. You were right.

La Brie est Belle.

[one of those zombie movies where they never say the word zombies] I just saw one of those fuckin zongos

Some guy at the farmers' market just tried to out smug me. My tote bag has a cheese pun on it, you have no power here.

It is socially acceptable to wear a football shirt when watching a football match, but people get real vocal when you wear a silk robe to watch boxing.

a roomba would go ham in the backrooms

Whenever someone responds to my post with "this is me" I get a little scared. That's not you, it's me.

Sure, hot dog eating contests get all the attention but real fans know that it's not where the true passion is. It can be found among the street vendors, in the mom and pop restaurants, where even today people are still eating hotdogs not for glory but simply for the love of the pig's anus.

I stopped believing that anything could ever be improved a long time ago.

well they are among the top two places you're most likely to hear somebody use the phrase she puts on a lovely spread I do not approve of this post.

"Orgy of violence" is my least favourite phrase because it contains the two things most likely to ruin a buffet.

a field guide to Skarsgårds: if silver fox he be, that's Stellan you see unsettling but hot, Alexander you've got only dread doth you fill, then behold, that is Bill

Spooky stuff is fun, but I wish that Ghost Trains would devote a little more energy to exploring the majesty of the railroads.

Mr. O'Danaos, after careful consideration I've decided not to endorse your park

Now I'm no rocket historian, but I think maybe we just let this bit stay dead actually.

Minor potentate so charmed by a mechanical bird whose movement and song is so lifelike that they demand the bird or else have a tradesperson executed is a beautiful story thst echoes through time.

I know there's no dress code but I'll probably still want to change out of my work clothes.