In case you’re wondering why Pam and I are married, she went to a pumpkin painting party tonight and it turns out she’s also a freak bitch just like me.

If you want to hear the entire goddamned story I will happily jump on any call and/or show and tell the entire tale again. We don’t save the Crew if we didn’t have the muscle memory of raging against the machine during the lead up to Dos a Cero 2013, I can tell you that much.

It’s covered in some detail in the STC book, so that’s a good place to start. The conference call from hell between us, US Soccer, and the American Outlaws happened on 8/27/2013, so podcasts or interviews featuring us from around that time would probably discuss it in detail.

Jack, the absolute lad

Neighborhood kids at Pam’s house losing their fuckin’ minds over NES Mario Bros.

Your honor, and may it please the court, the assumption that Shrek’s cock can even BE hyper-realistic is inflammatory and assumes facts not in evidence. Shrek is not real, and no amount of Jerry Cirino sexual arrousal will make him real. Thank you, your honor. Praise Jerry Revish. Case dismissed.

Source: one of the youths watching the Facebook stream.

Per livestream, they found The Rooster guilty. Doesn’t sound like jail time. A $200 fine and a restraining order.

Like, your most valuable penthouse suite of mucky-muck Cowtown piss baby executives aren’t renewing their skyboxes if the atmosphere in the stadium is dead. This is not breaking news, folks. You take the $650 hit on the parking lot lizard party so your $650K customer don’t go away. What the fuck?

And to be clear, this is not criticism of Nordecke leadership. Aside from not IMPEACHING AND REMOVING BRÕNŤË they’re doing Guillermo’s work on our behalf. Thanks to all the unpaid volunteers who work their butts off for us, including the child laborers who Brontyoncë has locked in the basement. 🙏

I’m not involved in day-to-day Nordecke affairs anymore, but I swear to Guillermo sometimes that the front office treated us better while they were actively trying to move the fucking team. The Cleveland Brownsification of the Columbus Crew, as is turns out, is not cool.

It’s just staggering sometimes how much goodwill this organization has pissed and continues to piss away. Putting the screws to your fans for a cup final on a Wednesday night over what, 650 bucks? How much would you pay to not piss off 25% of the stadium? A lot more than $650, I’d guess.

St. Louis FO: we are paying for thousands of our fans to travel 400+ miles for a Wednesday night match because it's an important game and we value and respect our community. Crew FO: *the complete opposite*

Dear BVB Chicago division of Three One Crew, please fire whomever is in charge of creating vector files of your logo, as they have offended my professional artist sensibilities. Thank you.

Fuckin’ Compass Homes.