A simple decision by a deeply stupid man is likely to end up as a deeply stupid decision.

We aren’t buying less wine, sir. Just less of yours.

Geezus. I owed them a thousand bucks one year and they threatened to turn me over to a collection company. I’m rarely what you’d call disgruntled, but I will have to spend the rest of the day re-gruntling myself.

I kind of think the answer is in the question. He’s never going to forgive you for that.

I think I saw Costco sneaking out winter clothing toward the end of August.

The previous three are all close enough to call it a draw, I think.

Casino failure is genetic? Good to know.

I don’t think you need to worry about the Nobel Prize

I remember like it was yesterday.

“The spacious trouser can easily accommodate a moderately large cushion.”

This appears to be a succinct précis of the prevailing situation.

Made a campaign promise to end hallway healthcare. Fulfilled it by closing the building containing said hallway.

“An arrest is imminent.”

“…as soon as Charlie Brown kicks the football.”

I’ll bet that 1,500 % of people know numbers better than him.

For the first few seconds, it looks like she’s being held upright by the man beside her.

At times like this, I always remember the advice of my old teacher

Confused. He was thinking about crudités for the charcuterie board. Easy mistake.

I remember when gas prices weren’t so high. I think I did get a little tired of being killed by nuclear weapons, but it was a while ago now.

*My friends and I* (Signed) the Grammar Police