If the Roko's Basilisk fake god is benevolent the first person it frames for a crime will be Sam Altman

How does he look worse than all of his boyfriends who died in mysterious accidents

I wonder if JD Vance is still an acolyte of The Vampire Oprah of Silicon Valley MAGA

Unironically, I'd rather get politics advice from Jeff Teague

Arike Ogunbawale playoff hoops

Nothing. I'm a Mavs fan who thinks the team should do whatever Kyrie wants within reason considering how the last few years have gone, but the Heat can't even match salaries, much less throw in a couple picks

I feel like people would trust A.I. more if tech could invent a vegan cheese that didn’t taste like ‘chewy wet’

No I wrote NPR because it’s a parallel example with a heightened reality because that’s how joke constructions work sometimes

"NPR sat down with this solar calculator and asked it to explain this poem about God"

Maybe the dog forced himself on the agent, who's to say

FBI Applicant Polygraph Administrator: "This is very important. Who came first, you or the emu?

The Rams sleep science jet lag plan was so funny. The sample size was negative-one so it was never gonna prove anything except that Californians obey wearable electronics

This did it

Does anyone know the mechanism by which AI is supposed to kill us all? Launching the nukes? Designing a disease? An agent mass emails our nudes until we kill ourselves?

This stuff is gonna turn me into a social conservative. Why can't we have "legal gambling, but a normal amount," and not "24/7 and on The Little League World Series"?

We have to send Magic to jail for a short stint for his insurance fraud shit just to stop LeBron from becoming the future CEO of Weyland-Yutani

Wait one of the cut-out companies paying Kawhi for fake endorsements was Boingo?!! The wifi provider that charges $14 a minute when you’re trapped in a cave? “Hi I’m Kawhi Leonard and when I fall down I mineshaft I use Boingo to check my Microsoft Outlook”

All good points

"Hello and welcome to the Pick-and-Tootsie Roll Pod, hosted by apparently the OJ jury, here to tell you how that piss on your head is just rain. Brought to you by Billionaire Dick-Riding and DraftKings, but I repeat myself"

I feel bad for Clippers fans, but please also save a prayer for the huge wing of the NBA podcast sphere who created new levels of epistemology to find cracks for Ballmer to escape through. Thinking specifically of a guy who said even a smoking gun wasn't evidence bc you didn't see the shot fired