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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy.com

383 Following73.8k Followers

Comedian, satirist, writer, actor

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@mattgreencomedy.comJun 15, 2026, 3:19 PM Pinned

Banning children from social media?

24
@snellarthur.bsky.socialOct 10, 2026, 5:47 PMReposted by @mattgreencomedy.com

I’m always surprised to find that my hatred of Trump can rise to new levels.

@mattgreencomedy.comOct 10, 2026, 9:09 AM

Maybe he’s on tour?

@mattgreencomedy.comOct 10, 2026, 8:34 AM

From this article for full context:

Labour risks losing working class over net zero, says business secretary

www.thetimes.com/article/dc02...

@mattgreencomedy.comOct 10, 2026, 8:33 AM

I think plenty of people are countering that, it’s just that Trump doesn’t care about any of those people and will continue to spout lies

@mattgreencomedy.comOct 10, 2026, 8:32 AM

This quote from Jonathan Reynolds just makes me think: but what if British industry is never as good or fast at making EVs as China is? Is climate change actually a problem or not? How do you balance jobs in manufacturing against heatwaves and flooding?

"Fundamental to success on climate is retaining the support of the British public, particularly working-class people. If people felt that we were meeting targets by simply importing products rather than making them ourselves, that would undermine the whole premise of climate [change action]."
@mattgreencomedy.comOct 10, 2026, 8:26 AM

Last night I saw a man outside Clapham Junction station shouting obscenities at everyone who walked past. At one point he got up, went over to a cafe, opened the door and just screamed for a bit before walking off. It was like he was the personification of X.

@oddthisday.bsky.socialOct 10, 2026, 6:38 AMReposted by @mattgreencomedy.com

Judi Dench on working with Frances Barber

As for Frankie's gift ... The play, among other things, is a discussion about unconventional sexual acts and so Frankie Barber, as a first-night present, bought me a double-ended dildo. It was about two metres long and all bendy - you could wear it as a scarf, which I did once when the company gathered for director's notes. But I had no idea where to keep it. I couldn't take it home, where my young grandson often came to stay, so in the end I hung it over Diana Rigg's portrait in my dressing room. My reasoning being that any visitors would be so arrested by the beautiful image of Diana, they wouldn't notice this massive penis dangling down each side of the frame.
But then one day I knew the cleaner had spotted it because when I arrived in my dressing room for that evening's performance, it was coiled up on my make-up table like a Cumberland sausage.
@mattgreencomedy.comOct 10, 2026, 7:56 AM

Today appears to herald Trump’s version of the Molotov Ribbentrop pact: a grubby political alliance that should cause even his most ardent supporters to pause (but won’t) and which won’t solve any of the problems he has but will definitely lead to more human suffering.

@oliviaquinn.bsky.socialOct 9, 2026, 3:03 PMReposted by @mattgreencomedy.com

Hahaha Accu-rate!

@mattgreencomedy.comOct 9, 2026, 10:36 AM

Vinted is the same as Tinder? Live stand up recorded in Brighton

@mattgreencomedy.comOct 9, 2026, 9:26 AM

That must be quite hard to get right! With videos online the punchline often has to come right at the start otherwise people just scroll on. I can't really get my head around it!

@mattgreencomedy.comOct 9, 2026, 7:58 AM

Feels like it works for horror too - all you have to do is promise that something will be scary, and people don’t mind too much HOW it will be scary. They want to be surprised. But with other genres it’s perhaps more difficult to get people to take a chance?

@mattgreencomedy.comOct 9, 2026, 7:30 AM

I don’t know how you market something that is built around a twist or reveal that is critical to the story but that really needs to be secret for it to have full impact? It’s hard enough with a sketch online - the title has to tell the viewer everything up front or they just scroll past…

@mattgreencomedy.comOct 8, 2026, 12:11 PM

I’ve been aware for some time, hence the use of the word “further”

@mattgreencomedy.comOct 8, 2026, 9:58 AM

As cricketers, players like Ian Botham gave me many hours of uncomplicated joy. As ex-cricketers, less so. Tip: don't read his interview in The Times today unless you want that childhood joy to be diminished even further...

@iancharles007.bsky.socialOct 8, 2026, 8:20 AMReposted by @mattgreencomedy.com

Superb 🤣

@karenroberts.bsky.socialOct 8, 2026, 6:27 AMReposted by @mattgreencomedy.com

😂😂

@mattgreencomedy.comOct 7, 2026, 10:42 PM

I liked that it was very different to the 95 version - a lot more gritty & naturalistic - and that the characters were a bit more age appropriate. But obviously Emma Thompson and co were great.

@mattgreencomedy.comOct 7, 2026, 10:27 PM

It’s not exactly a leading role but I hope you enjoyed it!

@soozuk.bsky.socialOct 7, 2026, 6:37 PMReposted by @mattgreencomedy.com

Well now it's in four weeks! Already more than half the tickets are sold, really hope to see you there. November 4th @ Pleasance Islington

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