Trauma survivors' problems do not stem from not having "challenged" ourselves enough. We've been surviving "challenges" you can't conceive of for years. Our problems stem more from distortions & reflexes-- not "choices"-- that have been deeply conditioned in us along the way.

Remember how attitudes & beliefs are shaped & changed in the real world. Sometimes it's an "ah-HA!" moment, but way more often it's incremental nudges. That's how we actually shift our trauma-based beliefs & reflexes in recovery: small, patient, realistic, compassionate bumps.

Chosen, consented to structure tends to regulate the nervous system. Unchosen, unconsented-to structure tends to trigger feeling trapped, controlled, & "in trouble," especially in CPTSD survivors. A planner we choose is a tool. A routine we don't choose is often a threat.

Getting our life sh*t together as part of our trauma recovery-- our finances, our physical health & fitness, our living space, all to the extent we realistically can w/ the resources & limitations we have-- matters, because autonomy & independence matter to self-esteem & safety.

Trauma recovery must, must, must, include developing realistic, accessible ways to feel good without hurting ourselves. Pleasure & release are not optional add ons to a quality life. They are necessary tools to managing our brain chemistry & making authentic choices.

The kind of self-love necessary to trauma recovery is not about writing flowery affirmations over & over in your journal (though if that works for you, go for it). It's more about realistically talking ourselves through a "stupid" trigger in the middle of a stupid Wednesday.

We don't acknowledge & honor our trauma wounds because the world then has some sort of obligation to be nice to us. I wish. We acknowledge & honor them as a first step to realistically managing them & moving forward, hour by hour, day by day, skill by skill, choice by choice.

Don't let those who can't comprehend working a trauma recovery-- can't wrap their head around the honesty & consistency you have to embrace every day-- convince you it can't be done. They literally don't know what they're talking about. Breathe. Blink. Focus.

The fact that CPTSD survivors often feel drained or depressed after social situations-- no matter who we've been hanging out with-- doesn't necessarily mean we hate people or being social. Masking & managing our keyed up nervous system & inner critic just gets exhausting.

Managing a hypervigilant nervous system adds a layer of stress & distraction to every task on CPTSD survivors' plate every day. Trying to stay grounded adds a layer of stress. Fending off sucidal & self harm urges adds a layer. And none of it feels easily explainable to anyone.

Trauma tries to leverage our pain to distract us from our goals. It's hard enough for humans to set goals & stay focused them, but CPTSD inserts harsh inner criticism & dissociation into the equation. That's what we're up against. It's figure-outable, but it's heavy.

Remember today that people calling you "oversensitive" has zero to do w/ reality-- it's 100% them trying to control you by evoking shame. 100%. People are as sensitive as they are. Slapping an arbitrary label on it is a control move, not a valid judgment. Remember.

When we're triggered, it's easy to fall down the rabbit hole of "I shouldn't be like this." I get it, struggling sucks. But that "should" is BS (a Belief System-- also bullsh*t). It's your bullies & abusers in your head kicking you. Register that "should" for what it is: sh*t.

Hold your hopelessness gently. Don't judge it, don't deny it or disown it-- & don't believe everything it tells you. Your hopelessness is evidence of your post traumatic injury, not a reliable guide to what is & isn't possible in reality. It's a symptom, in need of care.

Managing CPTSD isn't just sitting in a room, struggling w/ CPTSD. It's doing all the life stuff we have to do-- work, grocery shopping, paying bills, going to funerals-- w/ Trauma Brain trying to hijack us 100% of the time. The "just get over it" crew doesn't understand that.

Nope. That thought you just had, about how you "have" to do a self destructive thing because of what you're feeling right now, that's bullsh*t. Move along.

The only realistic way to get past that need to "prove" who we are-- especially to people who wouldn't get it & who don't care anyway-- is to KNOW, w/ rock solid certainty, who we are. For many trauma survivors THAT is the central quest of recovery: creating, finding ourselves.

It can be hard for CPTSD survivors who never had the safety or support to really develop our identity to take that project on as adults. Starting from scratch is intimidating. Begin by making a big list of things you like, that light you up (even a little), & looking for themes.

Trauma survivors are an overwhelmingly diverse group, but one thing we all seem to have in common is that we've had to launch our expectations about what our life "should" have looked like into the sun. I've come to understand that as the good, if bittersweet, news.